After getting into an absolute tizz over sleep, and feeling like a complete failure for not getting my ds to sleep through (or even for more than an hour or so at a time ), today I don't care . A shock to not care about my son's sleep, I'm sure you'll all agree, but I've decided I don't have a big problem with him sometimes not napping, and often sleeping badly (other than always being ) so that must mean it's actually ok. We are working on improving his sleep pattern, and this last week or so I'm attempting to log each feed overnight to try and see if there's any obvious links or... I don't know, maybe so I know what's really going on. Unfortunately I normally only last till 2ish, when I'm just too tired to think about sitting up again knowing I'll be out of bed within an hour or so, so he comes to bed then. But amazingly I've decided that's ok! It's ok for him to come to our bed, where he's safe and happy.

I am continuing to try and get his daytime naps better established, with a routine... I am continuing his bedtime routine which he, I and dh all enjoy... I am continuing to try and put him in his cot as he falls asleep each time, within limits. I'm doing this to help him learn things which will help him to sleep, not to try to get him to conform to someone elses idea of what sleep is good for him. He is offered the chance and sometimes just won't take it when it's offered. If he refuses food I don't spend all day desperately trying to get him to eat the same food, I just take it away and he can have a snack at snack time (or a bit earlier if he seems hungry - he can't tell the time so it really doesn't matter what the time is), er... I was saying that it's ok! It's ok if he doesn't eat much of a meal, we don't make it into a big deal - what's the point? So if he doesn't nap when I *want* him to, that's ok too. Yes he'll be more tired later on, but it's counter productive for me to do anything other than accept it and move on.

I am NOT continuing to worry about what people think about me him overnight, or the fact that he ends pretty much every night in our bed. Yes he probably is only feeding for comfort. That's ok. If it stops being ok for some reason, then we'll deal with it. Right now it's fine.

I am NOT continuing to worry about us eating tea together as a family instead of him having an earlier tea time meaning he would be in bed before dh gets home. Sharing tea and bath/bedtime is special to us and is more important than what other people think.

After a long long time of beating myself up over ds's sleep (lack of sleep) I now am just planning on accepting it. It doesn't mean I won't continue to try to encourage more / longer naps, fewer / shorter night feeds, fewer times in our bed. It just means I accept this is how my son is, at the moment, and when he's ready he will do the things other people's children do (like crawl, or sleep....) and until then all I can do is offer him the chance to do these things, and support him where he is.

Am feeling I deserve big cheers for realising I can't control his sleep but I can control my attitude to his sleep! It feels like a breakthrough moment for me!