You have done the most amazing thing by pumping for 10 months to give Rory the best start he could possibly have done with your mummy milk.
I think your dedication to this since he was born is utterly amazing and something you should be very very proud of.
When or how to stop bf is never an easy one. But I feel that there comes a time when it is right for you and baby to stop.
For some mum's this is on day one when feeding doesn't go to plan after a difficult delivery, for some it's when biting starts when teeth appear or when mummy goes back to work and can't express successfully.
No mum should be made to feel guilty or that they have let baby down by switching to formula.
I had to stop feeding James after I was in intensive care. It wasnt the way i wanted bf to stop but it was what I needed at the time. My milk supply was maintained but my body needed every ounce of energy, calories and sleep to recover - so switching to formula made sense for us at the time. The fact that James didn't batted an eyelid at the change & never "asked" me for mummy milk made it easier for me. 2 years on I cannot remember his last bf so that must have meant the transmission went smoothly (I'm sure I'd have remembered if it'd gone badly!)
Karen, if Rory could talk what would he want? I'm 100% sure he'd want you to think about yourself as much as him.
I understand your head versus heart feelings but you need to be well!
Call me if you need a chat, shoulder, anything! You know I'm here for you xxx