Unsuccessful potty training 3 yr old boy! Help!

Hi, My wee boy is 3 now (just, it was his birthday on 22 Feb) and I wanted to make potty training easy for all of us. I tried far too early with DD1 which ended up with months of stress for all of us and I didn't want to repeat this with him. Well, been trying for 4 weeks now and he just doesn't seem to be aware of when he needs to go and only knows he has pee'd if he is wearing washable trainer pants and the wee is going down his legs but either doesn't know or isn't bothered by being wet or dirty in pull ups. I have tried sitting him on potty each time I change him and for the past few days I have tried to get him to sit on potty more often (every 1 and a half hrs) and am using a reward chart where he gets a sticker for sitting on the potty (he seems to like the reward chart even though I feel its a bit patronising!). I can only get him to agree to sitting on it if I read him a book while he is on it or do a jigsaw or the likes after. I am trying to stay positive and tell him how well he is doing when he sits on the potty. But I am starting to find it really hard and wondering if I should abandon for a couple of weeks and revisit again then. He is due to start state nursery at the end of April and they expect kids to be potty trained although will still accept kids who are not. What to do? Any tips welcome. This is definitely the hardest part of parenting!!

[clothmama]

How good is his communication? Have you explained/ asked him about it? They are so tricky at that age! I think I'd be tempted to give it a break for a week or so, he might surprise you and/or miss his sticker chart! Good luck, it is never easy but he will get there

Also maybe sitting him on the potty as you change him is a bit like shutting the gate after the horse has gone kind of thing.

I would probably make a fuss of sitting him on when his pants are dry and clean and then wait for a wee? then once he goes sit him on every hour after that.

But definitely try sticker charts and rewards, maybe a m&m for a wee and something else for a poo? Or even ask him what he would like, he should be old enough to reason that out.

Good luck though, its so frustrating I know

Thanks for advice. Its good to be able to share. My mother in law has been telling me for months he's ready (not that its her call lol) and told me the opposite with DD1. I always feel judgements from her which isn't helpful, even if its not intentional. The reason for sitting him on the potty when I change him is more because I don't know if he's wet or dirty - I just say time to use the potty, then find out he's already been to which I say - woops you put it in your pants, do you want to see if you need tio go again but on the potty because thats where big boys put it! I think I will have a chat witrh him about it and see what comes out of that. So time consuming when I've got loads of other stuff to do - only managed to get him on potty 2ce today so far.

Do you think he can hold it for a few hours? And maybe knows when it's coming?
I found the princess polly potty book great for mine there is a boy equivalent, so that he starts thinking about what he should be doing.
I d then be tempted by a week at home to devote to it and make a big deal about big boy pants in the run up to it and then go for big boy pants no trousers. I know that's not easy with other children in the house but as far as you can just clear the diary.
Neither of mine responded to pull ups or trainer pants they would be happy to stay in a wet or dirty one all day if I d let them!
You ll have a few days of wet puddles then fingers crossed he ll get it, if not back to nappies.
Ours always started themselves early did really well and then regressed
I hate potty training you have my complete sympathy!
Good luck

My first was so reluctant to potty train. It seemed so difficult at the time. I think he picked up on my stress! Reward charts helped a lot but I think it must be down to their personalities. If the nursery are alright about the fact he's not potty trained you should give yourself a break, you may find that when he starts nursery he will want to be like the others and follow their lead. He will get it.

I completely understand the pressure of starting state nursery and wanting him potty trained. My boys' nursery sort of forced me into potty training both my boys at the same time and one wasn't ready at all.
I believe that, especially with boys, there is not much point trying until they are physically ready. If they can't feel they're about to go, no amount of stickers or reward chart will change anything (you can lead a horse to water but won't make it drink....)
I know it's hard because you want it to happen, but I would give yourselves time. Wait for a couple of weeks and you might find that he will wake up one morning and ask for big boys pants (that's what happened with my wee boy who wouldn't be potty trained - although it took 2 months of waiting!).
Good luck, it will happen!

Thanks for the support - really helped me. Yesterday DS got up and actually asked for the potty with no prompting. Didn't use it but then asked again after breakfast and used it 2ce!! Was very happy to get a special sticker and a gold one for his chart! We had a chat and agreed he can say yes or no to sitting on the potty or he can ask for it when he wants it. It seems he wants to ask for it which makes sense as we all like to be in control of our own bodies. Its silly really how I lost sight of the wood for the trees but I guess its quite common for the project of potty to take over! So we will ask him but if he says no just remind him to ask when he needs it and basically be led by him. What a weight off ....

Sounds like some good steps in the right direction. Have you tried leaving him with a bare bum and access to the potty on this own if it's the independence he wants? B started using it of his own accord just by leaving him nappy free for a week whilst at home with the potty in the living room (not ideal but it was then a constant reminder). Good luck but sounds like it's going the right way.