Household jobs/chores

So I've also been getting fed up of the expectation from the kids that they sit on their bottoms and the whole world comes to them with everything they want too. My oldest (9) has really begun to turn on the attitude when I ask 'can you help do....' I had a lot of 'No! I don't want to' which then leads to an argument etc and also as the oldest the other two watch and listen. So I m trying to nip it in the bud. All dd1 wants to do is watch the tv at every spare moment. They have to ask but if I say no I d like you to do .... Then again it starts an argument.
So.... My plan ..... Dd1 does not have much ability to think outside her own personal needs ( takes after me! I was useless as a kid and would just not see what jobs needed doing let alone offer to help, or I would be frightened of getting it wrong so wouldn't do it) , dd2 (6)loves to help, wants to cook , bake , will make me a cuppa , clean , Hoover but it's on her terms and not always what you'd like her to help with and she hates being asked to tidy up. Ds1 (3) will do jobs with me or dd1 like empty dishwasher, polish.
I would like them all to develop the ability to be able to know the types of jobs there are to do, and to eventually be able to just get on and do them on the understanding that we are a family, a team working together for the good of all of us. Also to get into the understanding that this is flexible and if they feel they can take on an extra job if it's a busy week for someone else, or someone is poorly.
This is the final aim!!! You gotta aim right!!
I figure the earlier we start it the more success we might have. I've tried the timetable but then dd1 is very rigid so if it's not 'her day' she won't do it.
I also want them to realise that if they help, we ll have more time for them to play, read, family time etc.

We've discussed it and my idea is to have a list of regular jobs up on the fridge. Eg Hoover, empty dishwasher, fill dishwasher, feed cat, feed Guinea pigs, lay table, put clothes away, hang clothes out ( on airer) , help make tea.
Then they've got a place with their name and I ve asked them to look at the jobs and pick one to put under their name. If they feel they could do more to add more especially if they've picked lay the table.
Not sure if it will work as there will need to be rules about someone picking the easy job or whatever everyday and also to do it in a timely manner if it needs doing before dark ( the Guinea pigs).
We ll see!

On top of that they have a tick list for their morning routine that includes pyjamas pit in bed and bed made. Also trying to get them to sort out their school stuff , coats and hats, lunch boxes etc when they come home.
Not sure if would help with older kids.

Good plan !

If there is one top tip I have It is "when" "then"

I use it for EVERYTHING

Eg. When you have calmed down, then you can come back and play

When you have done xyz , then you can watch TV

When you have put your coat on, then you can play outside.

When you have done the washing up, then you can have a sweetie

I know it sounds simple, but I swear it really works. Obviously you have to stick to what you say. The reason I think it works is because you aren't saying no. If I get any moaning I say "i haven't said no! I am saying yes, when you have...."

The other thing I've changed about my language is no asking, eg can you tidy up ? Will you help me ? If you are asking a question, it requires an answer and It's going to be a no if they have a choice ha ha. Then we get annoyed because they say no, its not fair, ill do it later ect.

So giving an instruction is clear they have to do it, and that is followed by something they want.

I like it Sara!

I was dishing up dinner the other day, I asked James (4.5yrs) to put ketchup on the table, cue a flop to the floor and 'why do I have to do everything?!'

Luckily we could laugh about it. I'm not always in the mood for that!!

Well it seems to be going well here and my aim to get them to look to see what jobs need doing is kind of working. With Dd1 anyway who it was mostly aimed at. She's actually thinking 'oh I need to look at what needs doing before I request the tv' ...... Small positive steps forward

[clothmama]

I got Josh to clean the bathroom for the first time ever yesterday - so cool! I would like them to take more responsibility as well for their jobs, I get soooooooo sick of asking 10 times for them to come downstairs (off computers!) to do XYZ - I really need to get them to do their jobs then relax!

Mine don't refuse to do stuff just need some encouragement, particularly with Louis it gets painful, I just threaten to take the computer away which seems to make him move! To give you hope @LynniferT Josh is now pretty good (15.5) so there is hope in terms of what he does and the standard he does stuff too. I do still need to ask usually but then sometimes he'll surprise me and do something on his own!