i'm just invisible here. no one gives a toss what i got to say, no one notices i am here. how can u feel so alone in a crowd, easy. be me.

so today is a little easier, last night was horrible, i felt so bad i just wish i could have curled up and died tbh. too much stress on me right now, from thsi whole parking thing coming back up to haunt me, to my daughter having some kind of eating disorder, she seems to be wasting away and nothing i do seems to help. it's hard to admit that i really do need to take my 9 year old to a doctor and seek some professional help. then of course the ongoing feeding issues of my baby, who since sleeping thru has now dropped 3 feeds at night, which has reduced the amount of milk i am making so i feel like i am failing him and am desperate not to bottle feed him. carrying him to term was a major thing for me after having the others so very early, and not breastfeeding them was heartbreaking, as it was what i wanted to do so badly. this time i got to term, i am breastfeeding him and up till now things have been going so right and now it seems to be dwindling off a bit, so back on the fenugreek tablets and more pumping milk, gotta go speak to the people at the bf cafe thursday to see if i can do anything more.

then there is the stuff with adam, my eldest, autistic with adhd, dyspraxia, and a sensory perception disorder, we think so of his probs are due to an illness he had as a baby, where he kept stopping breathing, his heart would stop and he got resusatated more than 50 times in one night, christmas eve the year he was born. he is going up to high school next year under acheiving and not likely to do all that well, god i wish the school knew more about his condition to be able to help him for his best, he's not got the best start for high school, but i need to let him attend a normal school until he decides it's not for him. i can't fail him and have him put in a special school as that'd just kill me.

on a brighter side though, my youngest girl has been predicted as coming out of year 6 at year 7-8 level! so very proud of her, she's amazingly bright.

decided to stay away from chat on here, it's clear i am not wanted in there as people seem so cliquey and ignorant of new people so i will stay to the bits i know so far, and make friends some how.

Annika-Jane, it sound like you have so much going on in your life, so many difficult things to deal with. I don't really know what to say, but offer you hugs and hpoe you find the help and support you want.

I'm sorry you don't feel welcome on chat, you are very welcome though. Some people do know each other very well, so it must seem cliquey to new people.

I hope the bf cafe can offer you some help, there might be people on here who could help too, you could post in the feeding section.

I feel like that sometimes too, well not really the breast feeding bit, but you know what I mean. Hope you feel happier soon.

I'm so sorry your feeling so down . It sounds like you have so much going on in your life, I take my hat off to you.

I really don't think anyone means to make people not feel welcome at all - I feel really sad that you feel like that I'm not on nearly as much as what I used to be / should be / would like to be but I'll be sure to look out for you around the board and say hi

Hi Annika-Jane,
I know how you are feeling, i too feel very alone, i to have personal probs and my 9 yr old son was diagnosed with Dyslexia and Dyspraxia just yesturday. I really can relate to youre blog and if you would like to chat, because i too am looking for friendly chat and maybe sometimes a shoulder to cry on, then please PM me.

i'm just invisible here. no one gives a toss what i got to say, no one notices i am here. how can u feel so alone in a crowd, easy. be me. By Annika-Jane.

Mandy x

Oh Annika-Jane - Im sorry you feel invisable, Im sure none of intentionally ignore you in chat or anywhere on the board, sometimes chat is so busy its hard to keep up with everyone and Im as guilty as anyone of somedays just not being able to do personals and welcome everyone. Do keep posting - I would hate to think you feel unwelcome - big hugs for everything else that is going on in your life, theres always an ear on here - honestly (()) Sadie xx

Hi Annika-Jane,
(((hugs))) Please don't stop posting. For every poster, there are probably 5 lurkers, you ARE being heard. I don't always have time to reply to each and every post, so rarely post, but will read. I admit it may seem cliquey at times, but I don't think it's intentional...do what I do and just go for it!!! I'm sorry you are having a tough time at the minute, please do keep posting if it helps to get things off your chest. Hope things improve soon. Jess xxx

hi hunny. so sorry you feeling so crappy. ive had a lot going on at home too and its made me feel so low recently. i understand some of the things you are going through as my daughter also has dyspraxia. shes almost 12 now and was diagnosed at 6 years old. am having a terrible time with her at the moment as shes going through puberty so the dyspraxia problems are multipled by lots and it all feels like an uphil struggle. i know the chat board can seem cliquey at times. i am pretty new there too but there does seem some lovely people on there so dont stay away hun. i realy believe that the more you post the more you get known on the board. good luck with everything. (hugs) xx

{{{hugs}}} I never realised you was going through so much

Wow, it sounds like you have an awful lot on your plate ((((hugs))))))


I'm sorry you feel that way about chat. I for one, would love to get to know you more on chat. I sometimes am a bit lazy and don't always do personals - sometimes chat moves too quickly. But I always read everyone's posts and it's lovely seeing new faces on chat.

Hope things start looking up for you very soon

Oh Annika, I'm so sorry to hear you've got so much stuff going on, I can't begin to imagine the stress you're under hun. Want to send you tonnes of ((((((hugs)))))) As for chat it can just get so busy some days and other days no one seems in a chatty mood, so if your unfortunate to post on those days I understand how you could feel ignored. I've had days like that on there, but now I don't bother worrying about it. I view it as my own personal little diary of what I have done with my day and my little girl, so sometimes I waffle on even more now.
I hope you've managed to get some input for all your children and please don't stop posting, I'm incredably nosey and even if I don't get chance to reply I'm interested