i'm just invisible here. no one gives a toss what i got to say, no one notices i am here. how can u feel so alone in a crowd, easy. be me.

so today is a little easier, last night was horrible, i felt so bad i just wish i could have curled up and died tbh. too much stress on me right now, from thsi whole parking thing coming back up to haunt me, to my daughter having some kind of eating disorder, she seems to be wasting away and nothing i do seems to help. it's hard to admit that i really do need to take my 9 year old to a doctor and seek some professional help. then of course the ongoing feeding issues of my baby, who since sleeping thru has now dropped 3 feeds at night, which has reduced the amount of milk i am making so i feel like i am failing him and am desperate not to bottle feed him. carrying him to term was a major thing for me after having the others so very early, and not breastfeeding them was heartbreaking, as it was what i wanted to do so badly. this time i got to term, i am breastfeeding him and up till now things have been going so right and now it seems to be dwindling off a bit, so back on the fenugreek tablets and more pumping milk, gotta go speak to the people at the bf cafe thursday to see if i can do anything more.

then there is the stuff with adam, my eldest, autistic with adhd, dyspraxia, and a sensory perception disorder, we think so of his probs are due to an illness he had as a baby, where he kept stopping breathing, his heart would stop and he got resusatated more than 50 times in one night, christmas eve the year he was born. he is going up to high school next year under acheiving and not likely to do all that well, god i wish the school knew more about his condition to be able to help him for his best, he's not got the best start for high school, but i need to let him attend a normal school until he decides it's not for him. i can't fail him and have him put in a special school as that'd just kill me.

on a brighter side though, my youngest girl has been predicted as coming out of year 6 at year 7-8 level! so very proud of her, she's amazingly bright.

decided to stay away from chat on here, it's clear i am not wanted in there as people seem so cliquey and ignorant of new people so i will stay to the bits i know so far, and make friends some how.

So sorry only just seen this. I feel terrible that you dont feel welcomed :hugs:

You have an awful lot going on atm and I really do hope that things start looking up for you. Please know that we do care and really feel for you :hugs: again

((((((((hugs)))))))))