Well OH has been and deposited his "specimen" today so we now still have that glimmer of hope of another baby some time in the future. The only worry now is that I just keep thinking what if it all goes wrong and it doesn't freeze properly or it can't be used. Usually people are asked to give 2 or 3 samples over the same amount of weeks to give better chances but we have just the one lonely pot in a freezer somewhere with our name on it. They have asked him to go back on Wednesday and they will take another but he won't be allowed now as that's the day he will have his first lot of Chemo, killing off any remaining little soldiers and our chance of conceiving naturally. It seems petty and awful to say that I am sad we will never have another child by natural means as we already have one gorgeous beautiful little boy who we love the world over and some people don't have that but it's just a bit of a wrench to say at the age of 23 I may never be able to carry another child with the man I love so much when just a month ago we were talking about trying for number 2 at Christmas time. I just don't see us as a one child family, I can't imagine Austin not having a brother or sister to run around with and fall out with and love the way I did with my sister when we were small. I have nothing against only children but I love the closeness I share with my sister and you can't get that from anywhere else and I so wanted Austin to have that too. I think I am worrying prematurely about all this as obviously now it will be a wait until OH is healthy again before we can consider trying for number 2 but it was all so certain before and now it's like someone has put all my life outcomes in a hat and I'm waiting for someone else to pull out the final choice. I hate it all because I no longer feel in control and when your a bit of a control freak like me, to have lost hold of the reins is a very scary thing.

You've got a lot to come to terms with hun *hugs*, try not to get too ahead of yourself into the future and just concentrate on day each as it comes. It's a shame he misses a second opportunity to give a specimen, but I guess it's more important he starts his chemo so it's not delayed further

Thinking of you xxx