Our life with acute myeloid leukemia

Just a diary I'm keeping after we found out on 9th June 2010 (our baby's first birthday) that my other half has been diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer and how we get by (hopefully I'll be better with this than I am with a diary :giggle: )

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Pregnancy reflection
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This isn't really a pregnancy blog

Permanent Linkby 0_Lisa_0 on Sun Dec 11, 2011 8:55 pm

Except maybe that my emotions are worse than they would be if I wasn't :pregnant: .
I am feeling a little hurt today, maybe it is needless but either way I think I need to get it out or it will eat at me. I would like to think that for the most part I am not very demanding, for example when asked what I want for Christmas I have told everyone I have no idea, therefore I am not particularly bothered. My birthday is Christmas Eve, so I have had the same question about that, you can imagine my answer. Any, the only person I have actually asked for anything is my OH, I asked for an engagement ring and I asked to be taken out before Xmas/ my birthday as one last night out before we have the new buba. I know there will be some time after Xmas but I thought it would make a nice treat if he would sort out Austin staying somewhere and take me out. I am aware that he has limited time off, he has to work 6 days a weeks so he only gets Saturday night off until after Xmas, I'm not much of a night owl but even a lunch thing would have been nice if we knew Austin was being looked after until the next day as I would obviously then still get a lie in, something I have not had for quite a while as OH has been on 16:00- 00:00 so I know he needs his sleep. Anyway, I know my OH and I while I knew it was a slim chance for some reason I thought he would come through, the only time left that this would have been possible would be next weekend and do you know what I found out today? He has asked his friends to go out! I wouldn't even have been so hurt if he had said that he was going to, because then I could have had chance to say this to him and discuss it, but nooooooo I found out through Facebook (newsfeed, mutual friends, not snooping :wink: ). So I will get no engagement ring and no night out and it just upsets me.
The engagement ring is another issue which I may as well rant about seeing as I'm here. I really want OH and I to marry, we have a child together and very soon we will have 2. We live in a husband/ housewife scenario as far as I can see, he goes out and works and I take care of everything in the house and with A as far as I can, yet he won't commit to me! It's something I deal with, it's something he knows makes me unhappy, the only time I could get him to even think about it he was in hospital with cancer and we didn't know if he would come out again. When I ask him about it, he says he's not bothered, it doesn't matter to him, so I just wonder why he won't do it for me. He knows it means something to me, he knows it's something I desperately want and yet he just won't go for it. Aside from a happy healthy life for my babies I want it more than anything but he just won't go for it. I can't even get a straight answer as to why . I'm sure this will left soon but atm I'm just feeling a little blue.


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