Well, since I last blogged a long long time ago we have had lots of ups and downs with ds's sleep. As time has gone on, people have been more and more surprised that ds still didn't sleep well (the paranoid part of me says more and more disbelieving) and surprised I was still feeding him, especially at night (a big part of survival, so far as I was concerned). Every few steps forward he has taken towards sleeping for longer than an hour or two have always been short lived and interrupted by teething, or colds and coughs where he vomits mucus overnight.

However! Last night was the third night in a row where a) he had no mummymilk, b) slept for at least 6 straight hours. Yes he is still waking an hour or two after we finally get him to sleep with books and cuddles, but he settles without milk, although he grumbles for 5 seconds (literally). After that he's actually slept. So! Does this mean this is the end? At nearly 20 months old (and I thought he'd self-wean at 12 months like his cousin) is his dependance on my boobs for comfort over?!

I hope so, as I really want him fully weaned and hopefully sleeping beautifully every night before his little brother or sister is born. It's also very nice to be able to tell people that he is weaning and without screams and upset. Yes, when we first stopped giving him mummymilk every evening he would ask for me and be upset and cry at not having milk ... but both dh and me were pretty convinced that his reaction wasn't hugely different to when we tell him not to play with the oven. He's upset at not getting his own way, but it isn't the same as just a few months ago when if we tried no bf before bed he screamed himself almost hoarse and was normally sick. Horrible horrible horrible, BUT!! This is not what we've found the last stages of weaning have been like, thankfully!

I'm very very pleased to have fed him this long, as I firmly believe he has needed me this way - not just nutrition (although knowing when he hasn't been eating well that he is getting what he needs from my milk has been very reassuring) but comfort. He is a non-attaching to loveys, non-dummy sucking and non-thumbsucking child who has never taken comfort from anywhere else. I have tried to encourage all these things at various times, rightly or wrongly, to try to encourage him to feed less frequently, more in line with his peer group. But he steadfastly stuck to a near newborn 2 or 3 hourly feed routine for at least his first year. It has been a very long process to drop feeds and we chose to leave the feeds that kept my sanity the best (early morning and before sleep / naps). Then I did what so many of my friends have done and tried to break his pre-nap bf 'habit' by taking him out in the car or buggy. I'd say this has helped a bit, but more than anything he seems ready now to leave the boobs behind.

I wanted him to self-wean, and optimistically was expecting this around age 2, but it hurts to feed him now I'm pregnant and my milk supply has dramatically reduced. But at least Mummy-led weaning hasn't caused the distress and upset to either of us that I feared. We're only 3 days in, but he's currently asleep for his first nap in his cot without being fed or driven/buggied to sleep first. We read something like 8 books and I told him 'no chair' when he asked to feed on the chair, but he drank a little cows milk and fell asleep when I was reading to him.

I'm very proud of him, my little boy is growing up and gaining his independence from me. We've shared so much precious and special time together that I hope to never forget.