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When others question your choices?

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Cyrillia
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When others question your choices?

Postby Cyrillia » Thu Jun 21, 2012 2:51 pm

Just wondered what you all do when other people question your choices. DS is only HE'd two days a week, as that's all the DH is happy to allow. This was initiated as DS1 wasn't happy with nursery, and was upset. He still doesn't want to go, but we 'made a deal' with him (he gets 'deals') and he understands that he gets to stay home two days if he goes like a 'big boy' on the other three. I've slipped a bit lately, but usually on our two days I get them out doing something physical in the mornings (as that's when I have most energy too!), and then in the afternoons we do puzzles, read, etc... I've slipped a bit the last few weeks as I'm getting quite tired in the afternoons, but we still read, etc... or I get him on the computer with educational stuff.

Anyhoo, I was picking him up recently and someone asked me about him not going for two days a week, and when I explained someone else said I was mad and making a rod for my own back as 'if you give in once when they turn on the tears, they'll be doing it all the time'. I said this wasn't the case with mine as I'd actually found that when he was away it made him enjoy it more when he IS there and that some days he actually asks to go (this is a HUGE improvement). Of course, I oblige if he wants to go.

Someone else then said that he wouldn't have a choice in September as he'll have to go everyday no matter what, to which I replied that school isn't actually compulsory until age 5. Another mum said that wouldn't wash with the school as they get really strict and send letters home, etc... and I was about to reply that they can get as strict as they like, but before age 5 it's all bark and no bite, but the teacher opened the door to let out the kids. I felt a little sorry that I didn't get a chance to finish what I was saying, as one of the parents seemed really interested in what I was saying as they said they didn't realise that they didn't have to bring them every day (they thought nursery was compulsory) and seemed to really perk up when I told them that, in fact, you don't have to take them AT ALL.

Just wondered how you guys handle these sorts of situations. The other parents weren't nasty to me at all, but I don't want them thinking that I just keep my LO home because I'm soft, although I daren't mention that DS1 still gets cwtched to sleep as they'll definitely think I'm mad! :giggle:

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Johanna21
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Re: When others question your choices?

Postby Johanna21 » Thu Jun 21, 2012 3:04 pm

Sounds like a great mix :D

I know plenty of people whose kids don't go to nursery 5 days. Some go to private nursery/childcare some days because it suits the parents' working week. Some do some days nursery and some playgroup. I know one mum whose son misses a Wednesday at nursery so he can go to his gymnastics class. Where I am, when you're applying they do say that if you're going to split they prefer a 2/3 split but once you've been allocated a place it's yours to use how you wish.

I think if people question you, stay calm and explain just as you did. As you say, many people have no idea nursery is not compulsory though these are probably the ones who wouldn't be very great at educating their kids at home anyway :roll:

Good luck if you get into this conversation at pick-up time again.

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Kirstyh
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Re: When others question your choices?

Postby Kirstyh » Thu Jun 21, 2012 3:10 pm

Grace is only down to go to nursery 3 days, most weeks she goes the 5 but not always, some days we meet friends and go to soft play or something (the nursery gave her the place for 5 days in case we changed our minds but do not force us to take her 5 days)

Just say to people that for now this is your decision and you will re evaluate when the time comes, in other owrds bog off it is none of your business :wink:

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northernruth
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Re: When others question your choices?

Postby northernruth » Thu Jun 21, 2012 3:27 pm

Nursery isn't "school" and of course its not compulsory. Martha went to pre school 4 days a week but I did think about only sending her for 3, more for me than for her tho.

Of course school isn't compulsory until they are aged 5 but I understand (and I looked into this when Martha first started) that if you don't want to send them full time you need the consent of the school. You can hold him back and send him in Year 1. So your options are, hold him back (to start in Year 1 or after Christmas or after Easter) or to come to an agreement with the school about attendance.

FWIW I woulnd't use the term "home educate" at this point if you are around people like that - to be honest I only really think of it as home education when they are at school age. What you're doing at the moment is having fun time at home with mummy :lol:

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Twinkletoes
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Re: When others question your choices?

Postby Twinkletoes » Thu Jun 21, 2012 3:53 pm

I think they're showing their ignorance of nursery more than anything else. Of course it's not compulsory!

We removed dd after a month of 'big girl nursery' (ie not her private nursery) as it was making her very unhappy (she was willing to go, but her personality changed considerably.) 6 months later she started at a different preschool nursery (still in addition to her private nursery where she's been since 14 months) and the difference in her is amazing. She LOVES this nursery, which is much friendlier and warmer.

But anyway, my point being that she only does 4 sessions over 3 days at proper nursery, and for 6 months all she had was one full day at private nursery. There is no obligation to go at all!

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Rox
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Re: When others question your choices?

Postby Rox » Thu Jun 21, 2012 3:57 pm

Nursery isnt school so i wouldnt consider it HE at all tbh :oops: I dont consider myself to HE Scarlett. Im a SAHM, in theory she need not go to nursery at all. Yes we learn things together but thats my investment as her mother, same as any other parent whether their child goes to nursery or not.

Scarlett goes to nursery 3 afternoons a week under the free nursery grant for all children from 3.5yrs and that suits us well. Gives her fun & learning without me and around children that arent in our family/friend circle but also gives us time together on mornings and the 2 days she isnt in nursery. Prior to this she did 2 afternoons from the age of 3 and was at home full time before that.

I like Ruth was also lead to believe that no, school isnt compulsory upto 5 but you need to have an agreement in place regarding this either by postponing their start date (which may not be that good as the child would have to enter a class where peer groups have already been formed) or with a direct agreement about attendance with the School - either way, you cant dip in/out as this would lead to the child being left behind on teachings and disruptions with the class routines.

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tanya
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Re: When others question your choices?

Postby tanya » Thu Jun 21, 2012 5:01 pm

Our school said they'd make individual agreements with parents if kids couldnt manage full time education from the off. Education isn't compulsory until the start of the term following their 5th birthday, but as a lot of schools only have one intake a year now, this can mean it won't be until the September following their 5th birthday. For home education purposes, it should be from the start of the term after the 5th birthday.

Bella has only ever gone to nursery 3 days a week, sometimes less. We don't attempt to formally "educate" her on her days off, but if she shows an interest in something of course we help her. I don't see that as home educating - that for me would be after compulsory education age.

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Cyrillia
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Re: When others question your choices?

Postby Cyrillia » Thu Jun 21, 2012 5:51 pm

I agree with you all completely, of course. This is normal 'us' time to me, but I guess I also have to look at it a little differently really - I have to count what we do as HE as it was only on that proviso that DH would agree to it. If these were Ethan's full time years, he wouldn't even have agreed to these two days, as I know that he is against HE for reasons I can't get him to move an inch on. Although there are certain situations in which I would overrule him completely (if I found out either was being bullied, etc...), his opinion is valid as their daddy and he also has their best interests at heart. For that reason, I work with Ethan's nursery as they have set themes and talk to them on a Monday to find out what's going on and whether there are any specific activities being held on Ethan's days at home. I can then choose things to do, alongside the usual things we do, to fit in with their curriculum. As I know we won't HE full time, and - as you have all pointed out - you can't dip in and out of full time school as that wouldn't be beneficial either, my ultimate aim has to be to get Ethan to a point at which he'll happily go into school full time. To do that, 'HE' to us means that I have to show Ethan that although he's at home with me, nursery/school is still very much 'there'.

I just think it's very interesting that quite a lot of people don't realise that nursery isn't compulsory, and that by paying attention to my child's negative reaction to going I am pandering to his whims and creating a rod for my own back. I'd love to see that rod one day, because I've not spotted it yet! ;)

I really dislike school and all that it stands for, and I didn't realise that until it actually came to sending my own children. I wish I'd known how I would feel before we had the LO's as DH and I could probably have come to some sort of agreement, but I have to agree that he's right in saying that just because I had a bad experience it doesn't mean that they will.


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