Rejected by my own Daughter

Hi all

Am feeling really fed up. My 20 month old Daughter wants nothing to do with me. It's all about Daddy to the extent if DH walks off when we're out I feel like people are going to think I've been hitting her the way she screams. It's also hurting mine and DH's relationship which is already pretty rocky. Any suggestions?

On another note DD scratches and punches my face when she can't get to Daddy or if she's just having a paddy. How would you deal with it? X

We've had phases of this, but against daddy. Psychologically, it's very common for children of your daughters age to react against the parent of the same sex as them, so don't worry that it's personal, or that you're the only one. This is what we did -

You need your husband to totally back you up with this, so spell it out to him and make sure he supports you. Whenever your daughter hurts you, ignores you etc, he must punish her and give you attention and effection, and then involve her. Get her to apologise and kiss you better and have a family cuddle. Try and help her see that she doesn't get what she wants (her fathers attention) by being mean to you, only by being nice to you.

And then allow her to have specal time with your husband so that she feels she has quality time with him.

It's hard, but it is just a phase. Good luck!

It's definitely a phase, as Lucie says. Bella did that as well. She wanted nothing to do with me, made even worse by DH being a SAHD, so she wanted nothing to do with me when came in from work. It passed, and now she's equally loving towards me or DH.

We had the same but in reverse, my DD acted like she hated DH. Definitely a phase, she's fine now. We did pretty much what the other's have suggested.

Thanks all it is good to know it's not just me. X

Echo the above, and just to add that it can be easy to get symetrical with them ie, getting stroppy, you dont like me, i dont like you type reaction, i know ive been there from time to time!! If you can try and maintain the 'well you may not like mummy at the moment, you might feel very cross with me, but i still love you lots and im not going to leave you'. Help give her the words to express herself, describe and say 'Angry', 'cross', 'sad' 'worried'. She will them learn to express her more complex emotions. I am guessing you are her main care giver during the day, so she will have more of an opportunity to feel these things to wards you, whereas often daddy comes home at the end of the day and gets an hour or so of fun play time and can do no wrong!! Like the others said, make sure he does his fair share of disciplin and boring routine stuff so that she knows its not just you.

xx

[clothmama]

Oh sweetheart I'm sorry to hear she is doing this and that things aren't good with N it is really tough having small people and J and I also went through some tough times when the kids were little It does get easier I promise

Louis went through this with J and i seem to remember Josh doing it to me at one stage for a while and it is hard but it will pass I totally agree with the others ideas on how to deal with it, there have been a few similar posts of late The only time Louis went a bit off me was when I did my away placement and was gone all day for a month, it w was like he was punishing me, have there been changes to your work or childcare? Try not to show her how much it is getting to you it will pass Give me a text and I'll call if you want to talk, love to you all

Thanks all. Unfortunately due to money her main care giver is nursery as I'm now back at full time work so maybe she's punishing me for that. T am hoping to get a new laptop/iPad soon do will be more involved. It's N's baby shower next week, can

Thanks all. Unfortunately due to money her main care giver is nursery as I'm now back at full time work so maybe she's punishing me for that. T am hoping to get a new laptop/iPad soon do will be more involved. It's N's baby shower next week, can you send me an e-mail to put in the guest book with some advice. X