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OH new advice to try CIO!

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Sophiebeth23
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OH new advice to try CIO!

Postby Sophiebeth23 » Tue Jun 17, 2014 6:30 pm

Well dh has just decided he thinks we should try "cry it out!" For goodness sakes can't you tell he has been talking to people at work (nhs). He is off for four days this week as working the weekend so thinks he knows everything! Normally I give dd a bath, dress, read a story, boob then I put her into the travel cot as I want her in our room. Then I cook tea before dh gets home.

So tonight I bathed her, dressed her, read story, dh turned light on in our bedroom so dd thought it was playtime didn't want boob so dh put her in the cot while I went to the loo. Then dh is going come down stairs and help me sort the ironing ( his only job in the house). As dd was crying I said she is clearly hungry now to which he replied I should leave her to cry for 5 minute as my method isn't working! :doh:

Well normally she is asleep before 7pm every night when he doesn't interfere. Currently dd is sleep feeding as she is under the weather today.

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Re: OH new advice to try CIO!

Postby clothmama » Tue Jun 17, 2014 10:37 pm

Oh dear!

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littlesez
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Re: OH new advice to try CIO!

Postby littlesez » Wed Jun 18, 2014 5:31 am

How old is She? Me personally I would never do cio but it's not recommended before 6 months at all.

http://m.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral ... ing-it-out

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Re: OH new advice to try CIO!

Postby ems101 » Wed Jun 18, 2014 8:37 am

I think when youre not at home looking after a baby all day its easy to take random bits of advise became its not you that has to put it into practice. Cio and cd are( imo) unfortunately quite prevalent in our society so he may have heard it in several places. My husband also suggests it when hes at the end of his teather. The lure of 'an easy quick solution' is so tempting at times isnt it?! I think its important to keep in mind that in general partners just want to help settle things down even if its in a slightly mis guided way. Talk to him about what cio means. That it would involve the three of you going to the gp and making a plan so it could be done safely. That the crying eventually stops because the baby givrs up hope of being comforted. Etc. I found thst when faced with the reality of cio, they didnt want to do it after all.

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Re: OH new advice to try CIO!

Postby shinycat » Wed Jun 25, 2014 8:13 pm

MY DH was quite pro controlled crying until he read Kellymom (he found the website, not me) and decided for himself that it was a bad thing. We did do a form of sleep training at 12 months which "worked" for 4 weeks and then he reverted after a bout of teething. We tried again 10 months later and it worked for all of a week before DS got wise to it and objected - strongly. I am not going through it again, despite still (at nearly 2 years old) waking several times a night and requiring me to get him back to sleep each time. some kids take to it (I have many, many friends who swear by it) but others, like my son, just don't. I steer clear of health visitors as it seems the stock NHS advice is to sleep train, but it really is not a one size fits all solution.

Anyway, now and then DH gets REALLY fed up with the situation and says "we" (i.e. me) have to do something about it, but when we go through the options, we always end up carrying on with what we're already doing (i.e. letting DS dictate what he wants!)

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Re: OH new advice to try CIO!

Postby Dancing mum » Tue Jul 29, 2014 10:58 pm

I know this is an old post but I wondered how the CIO situation panned out in the end @sophiebeth23 ?
My dh has said a few times about this as well as moving baby (4 months old) into her own room and now this evening he's really pushing for us (me) to do it. I don't feel ready to move her and hate idea of essentially crying herself to sleep!
He's been told that it only takes 4 nights of lots of crying and then baby is 'fine' and will sleep all night for ever more... I don't believe that for a second. :evil:
I currently put her to sleep in a small crib which is next to our bed but then when she wakes up (any time between midnight and 2am) I lift her out and put her in our bed so I can feed her during the night without getting up and down etc. This way she is very easy to settle and get back to sleep through the night and I get a bit more rest. She is getting too big for the crib but we can't really fit her proper cot into our room and dh doesn't want her only sleeping in our bed... Any ideas??
As for the 'crying it out', I am back to work in sept which will be late afternoons and evenings so dh will do bedtime 3/4 nights a week. To prepare LO for this he wants good bedtime routine established so she's not reliant on me doing any sort of comfort :bf: I just think there must be another way to get her to fall asleep that doesn't involve several nights of her screaming until she works out we're not going to comfort her (not the message I want to send her at all!)
Sorry I've rambled but any tips on tackling either issue would be fab :thumbsup:

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Re: OH new advice to try CIO!

Postby Sophiebeth23 » Wed Jul 30, 2014 5:32 am

@dancingmum please explain to your oh the risks of SIDS and going in their own bedroom current uk guidelines are 6 months minimum in your room. We have a travel cot in our room but dd never sleeps in it. I use it to stop her falling out of bed. We have a bit of a bed time routine with a bath, massage with nappy freetime, story, feed, lullaby, on busy nights we sometimes miss out the bath but still do the massage and the rest of routine. We don't have a strict time just routine. He gave up on CIO when I pointed out he his never home at bedtime. Dd is still in our room as he agree to wait until she was 6 months with her adjusted age. Then we had a heat wave and with her waking so often he said it was silly to make me get up lots. My MIL asked if she sleeps through yet lol so I just reply "I have never slept through and I'm 28!"

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Re: OH new advice to try CIO!

Postby littlesez » Wed Jul 30, 2014 5:55 am

@Dancing mum

I dont think anyone can expect a 4 month old baby NOT to be comforted by thier mother its a bit ridiculous :roll: But when mum isnt their they will learn to be comforted in other ways like a bottle or dummy maybe?

Leon still likes a feed before bedtime at 18 monthsand last night i couldnt settle him but rob then had a play for a bit, gave him a bottle then he had a little chatter and fell asleep!

4 months or 6 months is still very very tiny but i think some prep is gonna be needed if your OH is doing 3/4 bedtimes from septmeber. If it were me i would start by going out one night a week and leaving them to it and going to the gym maybe :twisted:

I dont understand the whole crying it out thing at all. It doesnt alwasy "work" either I spoke to a mum the other day who told me it took her daughter 4 months of crying to sleep to finially learn to give up jeeeeez 4 months! thats just frightening

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Re: OH new advice to try CIO!

Postby shinycat » Wed Jul 30, 2014 7:25 am

Leaving a very young baby to cry is really, really bad for them (I am sure someone earlier on this thread posted a link about it), and I personally wouldn't contemplate it before 9 months or so. And as @littlesez says, it doesn't work forever anyway, every time they go through any upset such as teething, illness, developmental milestone (crawling etc), or change in routine eg going on holiday, you have to redo it. Also, at 4 months old, your baby needs to BF in the night, they do actually get a lot of their daily calories at night, so if you ignore their crying until they fall asleep, they'll just wake again a short while later, still hungry. Don't forget a belly full of BM is fully digested in 2 hours, not to mention the super-massive growth spurt they go through at around 4 months, I'd be amazed if a child this age could go longer than 6 hours without needing to BF, more likely 3 or 4 hours.

As for sleeping arrangements, yes they def should stay in your room until 6 months as recommended by the NHS. Once they are too big for a crib the best solution is to take one side off the cot and have it pushed right up alongside your mattress (you may need to put books under the legs to get the mattress to the right level), that way it takes up less room and still allows for easy night feeds. I have to say for a good while my DH ended up sleeping in another room so DS and I could bed-share, but of course you do both have to be happy with that idea. It will mean your DH gets more sleep!!

The best way to get a baby (or toddler for that matter) to sleep is by BF, and with a young baby it is quickest, but if you are not there there are plenty of other ways which do not involve CIO. Have a look at the "Troublesome Tots" website which has lots of ideas. Four months is the ideal age to start working on it. However some babies are very resistant to any type of sleep training, my son would have none of it! But if your DH is really committed to finding a solution then that will help as he can do a lot of the work without the issue of your milk getting in the way! Often it is the dads that have success as the baby knows they can't get any milk from them!

Good luck :D

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