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Holiday panic with in laws

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Sophiebeth23
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Holiday panic with in laws

Postby Sophiebeth23 » Wed Aug 20, 2014 6:19 pm

We are going to centre parcs for a long weekend with my parents in law, sister and brother in law and their to children(3 and 2). I'm really panicking as they are very opinionated and judgey. So dd only goes to bed if I feed her to sleep, we cosleep. My sil accused me of making up my daughters allergies seriously because I want her to be ill!

So in laws don't know about the co-sleeping. My sil will want to put dd to bed. They already think cloth nappies are crazy. Also they haven't ever seem dd eat we blw so it gets messy but at least she loves food. My mil has said her and grandad will have all 3 children one night so we can go out! As they had my niece and nephew over night from a few weeks old.

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JabberJabber
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Re: Holiday panic with in laws

Postby JabberJabber » Wed Aug 20, 2014 6:58 pm

Your child, your rules.

You are doing nothing wrong by cosleeping and breastfeeding and shouldn't need to defend your choice. However, if you think that things will be said, perhaps you can think of responses ahead of time?

Or, if the grandparents wish to put her to bed, could you do it and then go out?

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sim
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Re: Holiday panic with in laws

Postby sim » Wed Aug 20, 2014 7:00 pm

If it were me I'd tell them to like it or lump it - you are the parents, the choices are yours to make and like Kate says, nothing to defend anyway!
Not that that helps you...

What are you most worried about? Can you get your DH to explain your parenting choices before the holiday so they are aware? I assume your DH is fully supportive and will stand up for the choices you have made together?

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ems101
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Re: Holiday panic with in laws

Postby ems101 » Wed Aug 20, 2014 7:15 pm

Eek sounds a nightmare! Id just try and avoid any sort of discussion or negotiations around parenting styles. If they try to critisise or persuade you into something different id just smile sweetly and say no thank you or say it sounds like a good point of view/idea but tgat what you are doing works for you at tge moment. Dont argue or discuss just change tge subject!

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Sophiebeth23
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Re: Holiday panic with in laws

Postby Sophiebeth23 » Wed Aug 20, 2014 8:01 pm

Dh is rubbish at talking to his parents. When he suggested CIO that was mainly due to his mum wanting dd over night. We both don't drink and are happy staying in. Think ill just change the subject quickly.

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Dancing mum
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Re: Holiday panic with in laws

Postby Dancing mum » Wed Aug 20, 2014 8:58 pm

I'm having exactly the same worries about going on 1 week holiday in September with my in-laws and bro-in-law and his wife and 2 kids (nearly 4 & 18 months)!
Bro & sister in law are VERY opiniated (even mocked me on Friday for taking 5 month old DD to the library and getting her a book... Think I'm indulging her and just laughed and said their 18 month old had barely seen a book) :shock:
I've already decided not to mention the co-sleeping as there will be cot in our room anyway so they don't need to know where she's actually sleeping. I've just talked DH out of moving her from our bed and not using CIO methods so I'm prepped if they say anything!
DH already said he'd say something if they keep commenting on the nappies so hope he keeps to that.
Sis-in-law confidently told me she'd show me how to pre-steralise and measure out all formula needed for the week so just add hot water to the bottle as required even though I'm breast feeding!! I'm just seeing it as a positive cos DD still won't take a bottle even with expressed breast milk (tried numerous times) so I'm already planning to tell them all to go out for the night and enjoy themselves and I'll hold the fort so they can have a grown up night altogether :wave: :giggle: I know they want grandparents to look after kids sometimes but this will be first time DD met DH parents as they're coming over from NZ... Do you think you could maybe suggest similar thing with your in-laws? Will your LO take a bottle if she wakes up (and if she will do they actually know that? :giggle: )
I'll keep my fingers crossed for you... I hate the thought of the potential confrontations and sarcastic remarks (I certainly know I'm going to get them and sounds like you might too :evil: ) but you've got to just stick to your guns :thumbsup: ... Good luck, you'll be fine cos sounds like you're doing a fab job >:D<

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confusinglady
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Re: Holiday panic with in laws

Postby confusinglady » Wed Aug 20, 2014 10:02 pm

Sounds like a bit of a nightmare @sophiebeth and @dancingmum !

I d just avoid any discussion too. They won t know you feed dd to sleep and co sleep. Just do a 'wave night night' type thingy and go.
If they ask to do it just say ' that would be lovely but might confuse her a little and with the busy day we ve had we need her to settle or we ll not get chance to chat :)'
SIL will be busy getting her own kids to bed I m sure.
BLW if they comment maybe say something like, ' yeah isn t it good fun'
Nappies- just do them elsewhere.
I d say if you re confident and relaxed then they will stop making comments... I hope! If not, as @ems101 said, just smile and change subject etc.
Maybe let them have other jobs to do like take dd for a walk or hold her whilst you do xyz, or pass her to mil and say things like ' oh granny ( or whatever) will show you the ducks...' Blah blah blah. So they feel involved in different ways?
Good luck!

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Dancing mum
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Re: Holiday panic with in laws

Postby Dancing mum » Wed Aug 20, 2014 10:20 pm

Love the idea of giving in-laws other things to do with her so they're involved but only in the ways I want them to be (sorry, don't mean to hijack your post @sophiebeth!).
I agree, confidence and efficiency with a healthy dose of selective hearing are probably the way to go :giggle:
I'm genuinely (and maybe naively) looking forwards to weening... If your in-laws can't see the fun that's their loss!

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Sophiebeth23
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Re: Holiday panic with in laws

Postby Sophiebeth23 » Thu Aug 21, 2014 5:57 pm

@Dancing mum don't worry maybe you sil is related to mine dd went to the library at 8 days old and has shared loads of books. I've started posting blw pictures on the shared photo thing we have with the grandparents. My sil does CIO and will just hold door shut with 3 year old screaming often. Mil suggested putting all the kids in one room I don't think so. We aren't taking the pushchair as dh hated having to keep taking my nephew out of it last year when he was asleep, so we are only taking the ergo and my hop tye. Dh loves baby wearing.

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