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controlled crying??

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happytails
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controlled crying??

Postby happytails » Tue Nov 03, 2009 9:43 am

It seems alot of mums at baby group are doing this but im not convinced it is a good idea, more so for the baby's development/feeling comforted and safe etc

:-?

what is everyone elses opinion on CC?x

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dawnsmummy
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Re: controlled crying??

Postby dawnsmummy » Tue Nov 03, 2009 9:48 am

is that where u leave them to cry for 1min, go see them. 2mins, go see them. 3 mins... and so on?

if so, i did it with dawn at about 7 months, after a week or two she'd go to bed and self settle. but she was sleeping through by then so that makes it easier.. .

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emmalala
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Re: controlled crying??

Postby emmalala » Tue Nov 03, 2009 9:50 am

i'm too soft to do anything like that. :oops: Would break my heart to see him so upset just so i can go to sleep.

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littlesez
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Re: controlled crying??

Postby littlesez » Tue Nov 03, 2009 9:55 am

i just cannot do it and i dont think any kind of leaving them to cry is a good idea at all, i tried leaving isobella once to see if she would settle i lasted 50 seconds and will never ever do it again. i just keep thinking she is my baby and she is crying because she needs me. even if i just go and hold her hand through the cot if she needs comfort she can have it :D

i reckon if you are not comfortable with it then dont do it trust your instincts :hug:

emma i dont think you are soft its just natural instinct hun :wink:

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0_Lisa_0
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Re: controlled crying??

Postby 0_Lisa_0 » Tue Nov 03, 2009 10:07 am

We sort of did it with Austin, but not properly, he was never 'just left' even now when he is put in his cot he cries for about 30 seconds then goes to sleep. I think it's his way of telling us he would rather not go to bed :giggle:

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happytails
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Re: controlled crying??

Postby happytails » Tue Nov 03, 2009 10:09 am

I dont mind leaving her to whimper, she does this as she is dropping off but i cant if its a full blown cry, she works herself up so much and gets in a right state :(


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tanya
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Re: controlled crying??

Postby tanya » Tue Nov 03, 2009 10:21 am

I know this can work for some people, but I have a firm belief that all it teaches the child is that if they cry, no-one is coming, so they don't bother any more. I would rather work out what the crying is about and then find a solution for that.

Please don't flame me for this opinion. As I have said, I know it can work, and I'm certainly not saying other people shouldn't use it, but I just couldn't.

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Velvetsteph
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Re: controlled crying??

Postby Velvetsteph » Tue Nov 03, 2009 10:25 am

Please don't do it...

There is a difference between leaving a baby to cry (regardless of how many times you reassure them you're still there and whether you keep going back to them, or just leave them to cry it out) and letting them moan themselves to sleep...


I think some babies have a little winge and go off to sleep but mine are the type that don't - they just get more and more upset until they... Well I don't know I've never let it get that far...
Generally though mine always cry for a reason...
Often it's hungry, lonely, missing something, wet/dirty nappy, too cold, too hot, poorly, uncomfortable, etc etc...
Sometimes it IS that they're overtired so I need to find the way to help them sleep but leaving them to cry is not for us...

That's not to say I go get them at the first winge as occasionally Grace with give a single cry and go back to sleep so by the time I got up there she'd be back asleep...

There's plenty of evidence about how damaging it is and while it may not appear to affect them now it can influence their demeanour and behaviour in later life and cause behavioural and attachment issues. Crying increases stress levels in the brain etc and I'm sure someone will be along to post links later ;)

That's not to say that sleep helping methods aren't for us...
With Grace Shhhh pat works well once we've soothed her and she's had a good cuddle and been comforted/fed/changed etc but it didn't with Isabelle she needed more soothing but that was due to different issues...

We comforted Isabelle to sleep for about 18months -2yrs and now she goes to bed happily (ish) with a story (or two), her milk cup(usually but not always) and a song or two, cuddles and kisses and then lights off door shut...

But I know all too well the mental torture of an overtired child (and parent) who won't sleep and just cries and nothing works... But why make it worse!

There is NOTHING wrong with being there for your child...

I get very sad at the parenting methods which are suggested sometimes that go against our instincts... No wonder so many women end up with PND (I'm not saying this is the only cause by any means) when they're told not to comfort their child, feed on routine etc etc... (even if it's not suggested it's seen as the 'norm'...) leave their precious baby to cry when really they should be told to cuddle it!

Sorry I'll get off my high horse now :oops: bit of a bee in my bonnet about that ;) :giggle:

tanya2007 wrote:I have a firm belief that all it teaches the child is that if they cry, no-one is coming, so they don't bother any more.
There's an NSPCC advert which says 'XYZ doesn't cry anymore as he knows no-one is coming'.... says it all really...

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