Velvetsteph sums it up entirely for me.
I wrote this on another board when somebody posted about CC. I'll repeat it here to tell you our story as I actually did try CC at one point with DS and I can easily say it was one of the worse things I've ever done. I apologise to anyone in advance who has done it, I'm sure it's an approach that
might suit
some children, but I can only relate what happened to us.
I've never gotten myself involved in a debate about CC as I know we've all got our own ideas about these things. However, I just wanted to relate to you what happened to us...
This will probably be long and boring, but if you're interested here goes.
I can say we've been very lucky with DS at night, but we've always done the same thing - bath, milk, then bed. When he was very little we just used to pop him in his cot awake and off to sleep he'd go. We'd always go back if he wasn't happy (which was rare). However, over time - as he became more aware - he would 'grumble' when put down. Well, as the weeks went by the grumble turned into a whine, then a cry. I was confused by this point, thinking that crying was supposed to get less - not more?! But we simply persisted putting him down though as by this point I'd been totally convinced by various sources that he had to learn to go to sleep himself and he was just 'trying it on' as initially he had gone to sleep on his own.
I then started noticing a difference in the day. It was very gradual, but the LO I knew was changing into a thorough grump who hated to be cuddled and relied VERY heavily on his comforter (a teddy). I became more and more dismayed because if he cried - whether he was hurt or whatever had happened - I just couldn't do anything with him. He'd scream MORE in most cases when I tried to comfort him! I knew something was very wrong - it was as though he had an almost constant bee in his bonnet AND he seemed so unhappy!
Well, I didn't know what to do, but I knew I had to start somewhere, and somehow it just ‘felt right’ to start with bedtime. After all, lots of babies were cuddled to sleep, and mine was now crying for anything up to forty five minutes before finally falling asleep – he needed comforting then, so surely that was the place to begin?
That night I gave him his milk after his bath, and he seemed calm and settled so I put him in his cot – awake. I walked away, and it wasn’t long before the crying started (I’d just gotten outside the door). I stood there until I knew whether it was a ‘real’ cry, and went back in. I picked him up and tried to comfort him, but the crying wouldn’t stop no matter how softly I talked or sang. I truly felt helpless, and the doubts crept back in. However, I grabbed trusy ol' Spencer and thought, “We’ll do it together!”. The crying stopped immediately, so there I sat rocking and comforting until he fell asleep in my arms.
I kept up our new routine for a little while – putting him down, waiting for him to cry out for me, then returning for a 'three-way cuddle' – until I felt that I didn’t need to wait for the cry and just sat quietly with my son and the bear straight after the milk. After a while, though, I found that DS played more and more with the bear instead of dropping off quietly so one evening I decided that it was time to do without the bear, but left him within easy arms reach.
Fast forward to today and it was slow road. However, not allowing my son to cry himself to sleep every night was the turning point in our relationship AND his behaviour. 'Spencer' doesn't leave the cot at all now - DS doesn't need him! DS's source of comfort in ALL situations is ME - day and night. We quietly talk and cuddle at bedtime, and he is so affectionate in return - he's back to the little fella I had in the beginning.
I've been up and down since DS arrived, so we've been through thick and thin together with PND, etc... but despite all that (which was bad enough!) nothing competes with how he changed after/during the CIO/CC approach. I know the following statement is going to be inflammatory, but I now realise that allowing my son to cry himself to sleep at night was the most damaging parenting decision I've made to date. I doubt it will be the last, but it's not one I'll repeat in a hurry.
I know that people on here have had great success with this approach, and that leads me to believe that it just suits some babies - their temperment perhaps makes them able to take it. Some (like my DS) don't, and that FOR THOSE BABIES it just does no good at all. It's a decision that every parent must make by looking at their own child.
Sarah
x