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controlled crying??

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dawnsmummy
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Re: controlled crying??

Postby dawnsmummy » Tue Nov 03, 2009 1:50 pm

tanya2007 wrote:
dawnsmummy wrote:every child, and parent, is different. just because you use CC doesnt mean you should be on an NSPCC advert and i dont think it makes you cruel or heartless or a bad parent...

Oh Stacey, as I said in my post, I know there are families where this can work very well. It's just not for us. I am in NO WAY judging your parenting style. "Each to their own" is my motto. I didn't mean to upset you :hug: :hug: :hug:

It's ok, :hug: I probably took it a bit too personally. I'm a bit tender at the moment about my parenting skills... :oops: :oops: :cry:

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Mareth
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Re: controlled crying??

Postby Mareth » Tue Nov 03, 2009 1:52 pm

dawnsmummy wrote:i did it with dawn at about 7 months


We did it about that age too. I think it took about 2 nights and Rhys has been a perfect sleeper ever since. It's not for everyone, and initially I did it very begrudgingly at DH's insistence, but it did work for us.

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megansmummy
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Re: controlled crying??

Postby megansmummy » Tue Nov 03, 2009 1:53 pm

dawnsmummy wrote:
tanya2007 wrote:
dawnsmummy wrote:every child, and parent, is different. just because you use CC doesnt mean you should be on an NSPCC advert and i dont think it makes you cruel or heartless or a bad parent...

Oh Stacey, as I said in my post, I know there are families where this can work very well. It's just not for us. I am in NO WAY judging your parenting style. "Each to their own" is my motto. I didn't mean to upset you :hug: :hug: :hug:

It's ok, :hug: I probably took it a bit too personally. I'm a bit tender at the moment about my parenting skills... :oops: :oops: :cry:


:hug: Stacy hun, your choices are made based on your situation, your child and your preferences...thats what makes parenting such an individual thing!! What you choose to do is right for YOU...just like some people have ways and beliefs that you probably dont agree with hunnie... I know that sometimes i read posts and think 'wow there is no way i would have done that' ( :oops: ) just becuase we are all different people and thats what makes the world go around (and also we wouldnt be able to have good dicsussions about things like this if we all believed in exactly the same practices!!) :hug:

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samandsally
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Re: controlled crying??

Postby samandsally » Tue Nov 03, 2009 4:20 pm

Hi ,
When i wrote a reply i was only giving my own opinion based on my feelings and experiences. I certainly did not intend to offend or make a judgement about anyone elses parenting. I am sorry if it came accross that way.

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Shevi
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Re: controlled crying??

Postby Shevi » Tue Nov 03, 2009 4:48 pm

its one of these very personal things i think (havent read others replies yet so hope i'm not repeating)

i have used it succesfully, but its not something i can ever advise someone else to even try. i have heard too many horror / moron stories or parents who just let their kids cryingfor aaagggeeesss eventually going back in to find baby either in pain, sick, stuck etc etc.

with taneli we used it from quite early on as he was a child who got over stimulated very easily and if you got to that point with him then holding, jiggling, singings...ANYTHING just made it worse and the best thing you could do was make sure he was safe and snuggled in his cot with NOTHING of any interest so he could re-settle himself...he wasn't much of a night waker, so if he did wake at night we tended to assume something was wrong and only after we were positive (and i'm talking for 3 days assume illness, then assume a few nights getting over illness / hungrier etc) that it was habit would we try controlled crying...and i would sit by his door counting the minutes till going in comforting explaining checking etc and of course if the cry changed pitch or anything i would be in there like a shot.

Boo was more complicated as he didn't really eat, so sleeping wasn't something that was going to happen in long bursts!!!

so yes it can work...but if you do not feel comfortable with it, or do not think its right for your baby or your family then just dont do it.

i'm sure i will get to the point with this new one when i will use it again, and i dont think when used suitably and appropriately it is cruel or hramful...but it depends so much on mum or baby that i dont even suggest it to people.

what i do suggest tho...regardless of what tact you choose to take, is sticking to your guns and following through so that the little one doesn't get confused. Explain and do...and explain again and continue to do etc etc cos if you keep changing your mind, the little one will never get the hang of what is supposed to be going on.

ps. i also believe that babies DO understand what you are saying from a very early age, so it is always worth explaining again and again.

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northernruth
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Re: controlled crying??

Postby northernruth » Tue Nov 03, 2009 5:09 pm

Steph was much more articulate than I could have been, but I am totally against it. I do think that babies rely on certain props to get to sleep and you can help them get past this, but as a PP said, there are a number of much gentler ways to do this than controlled crying

We have variously used shush pat, and pick up put down techniques with Martha, but eventually found our own way which involved being present but not interacting - for a long while I would stand at the door of the nursery while Martha settled, going over to her to place a hand on her if she cried, but retreating when she was calm

I know lots and lots of people who have done it and who have happy well adjusted children, but I want Martha to grow up knowing that if she calls for me I will be there

Last night I put her to bed at half seven, when I went up to check on her half an hour later she was lay calmly with eyes open just waiting for sleep - not a peep out of her in the meantime. They all get there in the end!

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LilMrsAverage
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Re: controlled crying??

Postby LilMrsAverage » Tue Nov 03, 2009 5:43 pm

- I'm on the fence I so think it is a really personal choice and dependent on the baby!

I can see so many things that make me think its not a good way to do it - on the other hand I have done it with little Dexter as he took great delight in screaming when I've put him down and I mean out and out screaming and when we go back to him he giggles and smiles - even if I sit with him not holding him he'd cry and if I look at him or speak he'd laugh

I had him next to me in his moses so he could see me but I just read a book the first time I did it it took 45 minutes then he just stopped sighed and went to sleep - he just doesn't try the crying thing anymore for no reason - which I have to believe that was due to all the giggles that he let out as soon as we responded to me that wasn't the action of a child who 'needed' something if that make sense.

He now goes down with no probs - the worse we face now is he hates sleeping during the day! lol x but he'll get over that soon enough x

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Allie
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Re: controlled crying??

Postby Allie » Tue Nov 03, 2009 6:01 pm

I used it successfully with Harriet. I hated doing it but at the time I didn't know what else to try :-? . It is a very personal choice and no-one should be made to feel that they are a bad parent for doing it.

LilMrsAverage - I have a Dexter too :D

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beck
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Re: controlled crying??

Postby beck » Tue Nov 03, 2009 8:41 pm

I did it with all 3 of mine and it worked fantastically and only took 3-4 nights at the most. I know its not for everyone and I wouldn't continue if it was taking weeks. As Allie said its a very personal choice and for me one that wasn't taken lightly. I also will not be made to feel bad for it either.


LilMrsAverage wrote: he took great delight in screaming when I've put him down and I mean out and out screaming and when we go back to him he giggles and smiles - even if I sit with him not holding him he'd cry and if I look at him or speak he'd laugh


Mine all did similiar and it was very obvious that there was absolutely nothing wrong with them. I think babies are very intelligent and learn very early what will get a response from mum and dad :giggle:

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