Me again not sure if this is the right place i need HELP!

((((((((((Natalie)))))))), I can totally sympathise with you hun. My ds is 4 and has always been hard work. He sounds very similar in the not listening and general 'roughness'. I am frequently very glad to see bedtime and also feel so frustrated at not being able to get through to him. Naughty step didn't work as he would never stay put and would come straight back and do it again.

Do you think he is getting bored? Is there a pre-school that he could go to for a couple of mornings. I think Harry used to get bored and his behaviour did improve when he started nursery just before he was 3 - it has recently got really awful again and I've finally figured (I think ) that he was too bored with the stuff at his nurseries. He was one of the oldest and there were kids 2 years youngewr than him, so I don't think it was enough of a challenge. He's started this week at the nursery attached to the local school which only takes them from age 3, so I'm desperately hoping that it will work - he seems better to me so far touch wood.

You are doing fab hun, please don't let anyone make you think you aren't. All children are different - and I know a lot of the people who have judged Harry (and me) have much 'easier' children.

Ali xxx

There's a brilliant book that was recommended to me by a mum of a 3yo that I've yet to buy but I've had a flick through hers and it's ace...

Here's the amazon link *http://tinyurl.com/2cpu7v
It's called How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk (How to Help Your Child)

Another good book is the Science of parenting

I realise most of us don't have time to read books but you can dip in and out of both, and I did borrow the science of parenting from the library and that helped us overcome an issue we had (which to be fair was mainly caused by me! but still...)

Another thing to possibly look at (without knowing anything about you!) is diet...

Just wanted to also say *hugs* as there is no one right answer for kiddies, they're all different... xxxx

What would you do about him slapping and throwing things at his 6 month old sister?

I think we all try our best as parents and thats why ive posted this for help, as me pretty much doing nothing is not helping our situation. I will try anything thats non violent to help him calm down x

Empathise with the hurt child, make sure that he knows that what he is doing is hurting, distract, redirect, minimise any sib rivalry stuff (the people who wrote 'how to talk' also wrote 'siblings without rivalry' which is a better read IMO than 'how to talk' cos it goes more into why kids react to certain stuff and how labels affect them and all sorts, or maybe I just prefer it cos I read it first, lol. But it's less 'this is what you do' and more 'this is why you do it.') and generally get it into my head that he is not doing it on purpose to piss me off.

I had a very minor phase where Jake used to be aggressive towards Oz, they were similar ages to your children at the time (4 years and 8 months)

I found that giving Jake some one to one time when Oz was asleep helped a bit, as did telling him that the shoving about was teaching Oz to be aggressive, and that one day he'd be bigger and would shove back. It took a mix of things really, but we did get there in the end without any serious injuries, they are 9 and almost 13 now and both lovely boys.

Trogette - there's some interesting stuff there in what you said about "unconditional parenting" and I like the idea of demonstrating the right way to do something, rather than focussing on them not having done it.
I am curious though, I don't "punish" my children but I do give them "consequences" for certain things, which I try to make as relevant to whatever the issue was as possible.
Do you not give consequences either, and if not, how do you teach them about responsability for their actions? (age related obviously - sorry I'm not sure how old your children are )

If it's not a genuinely natural outcome from the action then surely it's a punishment?

Really we just live, I try to keep things as real as possible, I don't do 'discipline' beyond trying to model what I think is right. I also don't really teach, they learn.

I have very strongly defined lines between "consequences" and "punishments", I appreciate that you see no difference at all but for me there is a very major difference.

Surely its about intent though?

Ive had alot of great advise here ladys! Thank you. I think you have hit the nail on the head with the boredom!

He goes to preschool 3 mornings a week and the other 2 days we go to the soft play centre for a few hours. Its actually the days he's at preschool in the morning that are his worst days. He loves preschool but im guessing he thinks ive spent the morning with Amber so its his time in the afternoon.

Im definatly going to be buying some books that have been recommended and im thinking of planning our days with activities.

I'm so hoping this will work next week for us, its a great change for me too with having them 5 days a week up until Jan ive always had ben around at some point to help out when he worked nights, now he's on days its me and the children lol Its bad that im looking forward to march when i go back 2 days a week

Oh right

I have very strongly defined lines between "consequences" and "punishments", I appreciate that you see no difference at all but for me there is a very major difference.

Surely its about intent though?

Well... I do see differences between genuine natural consequences and punishments, but some people do call punishments 'consequences' and so I guess I was looking for clarification of what you meant by consequences. Some people would call sitting a child on a 'naughty step' a consequence.

IMO if it's not something that is happening naturally, it's imposed by the parent in order to 'teach the child a lesson' and therefore is a punishment. So yes it's about intent, it's about how one sees the parent/child relationship. I see it as one of guiding an equal with less experience than me, similar to how one would a friend from another country (planet??) through learning how our world works.

ETA that of course I am simply sharing what feels right to me, and attempting to explain why.