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Should I consider childcare?/WWYD

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scarlet
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Should I consider childcare?/WWYD

Postby scarlet » Mon Oct 18, 2010 6:28 pm

So dd spends literally 24/7 with me. We live in london and have no family near by, so she never gets looked after by anyone but me. Dp works long hours and she is in bed when he get's home. Although he does get up in the night with her and get's her up in the morning to have breakfast, he literally is super dad!

Anyway on mondays is a mothers knitting group at a local children's centre and you can put your babies in the crèche. We have been twice but the first time we couldn't stay long and Pearl spent most of the time in the knitting room with me as she was too upset.

Today we stayed the whole 2 hours. Pearl screamed every time I left the room. I could hear her screaming and screaming and the teacher came to get me as she was so distressed! I went in and out a few times but she literally was inconsolable :( In the end I just stayed in with her and played. I just really want her to be happy playing without me, The centre is lovely as are the staff and two of her little friends go as well so there are familiar faces.

I feel so awful to leave her as I want her to enjoy herself, I feel like it my fault she is like this. Like I am worrying she will be upset and she can read that from me or something?But I don't feel worried I know the level of care will be high and there are loads of activity's to do. I really don't want her to be a clingy child and at home she plays happily on her own!

I have been thinking maybe I should put her into childcare one afternoon a week to help her get used to being separated from me?I just don't know if this would help?I just don't want her to be unconfident and eventually she will have to go to school so will be separated.But maybe by then,as it is a long way off, then she would be fine.

In regards to this group I want to keep taking her to try and build up her confidence! I am also going to taker her to a stay and play which is on every other wednesday. Its the same room and same staff and obviously as its stay and play i would stay with her. Hopefully this will also help!

Anyway tips and suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

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Sally
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Re: Should I consider childcare?

Postby Sally » Mon Oct 18, 2010 6:40 pm

I would keep taking her to the group and leaving her for short periods of time and taking her to the stay and play as well will really help :D having a close and secure attachment to you will actually help her the most in becoming confident to be without you so although she is screaming now in a few weeks she will be happily going into creche without you,
I wouldn't reccomend Nursery just for one afternoon unless it was the same people who do the creche as I think she will find that more confusing :-?
Honey screamed when I started leaving her at Nursery but 2 weeks in she loves it as she is confident that what ever happens she knows I will come back so it's ok to enjoy herself :giggle:

ETA
I had never left Honey with anyone before until I went back to work :shock:

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AnnetteandBen
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Re: Should I consider childcare?/WWYD

Postby AnnetteandBen » Mon Oct 18, 2010 6:56 pm

It sounds like she needs more settling intime before you leave her. Going to the other sessions in the room would be a great idea to make her feel comfortable in her surrondings. Using childcare for 1 afternoon a week so she gets used to being away from you would be a struggle as it's not really long enough for her to get settled into the routine of being left.

Benjamin isn't often left even now, but at the children's centres he is happy and content in most of the rooms even if I am out of sight, but then he has been going for years and has got to know the staff.

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scarlet
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Re: Should I consider childcare?/WWYD

Postby scarlet » Mon Oct 18, 2010 7:01 pm

Yes I think I should forget the nursery for now! Im going to keep going to the group and hopefully she will get better each week!
Thanks ladies :hug: :hug:

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charlala
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Re: Should I consider childcare?/WWYD

Postby charlala » Mon Oct 18, 2010 7:56 pm

Do what feels right for you... Don't feel she SHOULD be okay without you or that it is necessary for her to able to be happy without you. As long as you're okay with spending 24/7 with out it's all good!
I agree with pp that'd be good maybe if you could spend time with her at the creche if that's one thing you'd really like to do (the knitting group I mean). Settling her in and showing it's a lovely place before expecting her to be happy playing there with strangers.
Hope that helps a bit :)
Good luck xx

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megansmummy
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Re: Should I consider childcare?/WWYD

Postby megansmummy » Mon Oct 18, 2010 8:28 pm

deffinatly keep taking her to the groups and get her used to being with the people there, once she starts to feel more secure with them and familiar with them she will feel differently...dont forget that almost a year old she is at peak age for seperation anxiety/stranger danger and so it doesnt mean that she will be like this as she grows up, its probably alot to do with development and stages too :hug: :hug: :hug:

For what its worth, I have never left Kieren with anyone but hubby, i dont have any family/close enough friends here to leave him with and i didnt go abck to work either this time...Megan only went to nursery as i worked in one and so she came to work with me!! I plan on getting Kieren into pre-school when he is 2.5yrs old but im in no rush :)

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chocmuffin
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Re: Should I consider childcare?/WWYD

Postby chocmuffin » Mon Oct 18, 2010 8:41 pm

:wave: I've had some experience in these matters being a childminder! I totally agree with whats already been said, you need to carry on going to your knitting group, visiting the play & stay is a great idea & nursery isn't best for such a short time each week because its not enough time for her to settle in.
I'll just tell you what I've always told parents when bringing children to settle at my house. I've never had a child that took longer than a few sessions to settle, including one who came to me because he got asked to leave his last childminder because she couldn't deal with his constant crying :shock: .

- Begin with a few sessions of play with Main carer to get used to the setting!
- Tell the person everything you possibly can about your child eg fav toy, song, tv prog, fav food, names of family members inc animals etc.
- Take something of yours (with your smell on it eg used cardigan) & some of there fav things to leave with them.
- Never leave without saying goodbuy because a child will soon realise that you may just disapear anytime and cling to you the second you arrive in the setting, making them upset from the start!
- If a child does start to get upset befor your ready to leave say your goodbuys & leave straight away because the more you comfort them, they will just think that they have a good reason to be upset when they don't.
- NEVER never let a child see that you are nervous about the situation, they will pick up on this immediatly & use it against you! Equally if a child sees that you are happy & upbeat about the situation they will feel calmer!
- Do not give in easily, children of any age know just how to get what they want!


There is just one thing I'd like to add, now that she knows you are in the next room & if she protests enough she will get you its going to make things alot harder for her to settle. It may have been best if from the start it had have been clean break, because now see knows your there!

It may take time but she will realise that she can be happy without you (& you without her), I have yet to meet a child (in 10 yrs) who I haven't been able to win round! Even the LO who came to me because his last childminder asked him to leave stayed for a couple of years, I then cared for his younger sibling & we had trouble getting the older LO to leave the house at drop off time because he wanted to stay!

Be a firm Mummy & you can do it, & all be happy in the end!

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scarlet
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Re: Should I consider childcare?/WWYD

Postby scarlet » Mon Oct 18, 2010 8:55 pm

Thanks that is really great advice!
So next monday do you think i should go in and play for a little then tell her im going knitting and ask the teacher not to get me or just drop her off and tell her im going.
The teacher keeps coming to get me as she says she doesn't like her to get too upset, which I understand.
Or should i do it more gradually?
Also I think she is playing on it a little and DP agree's as she was doing it to him at the weekend crying when I went to the toilet and he was holding her.
I also think I am being quite upbeat and when i have been going back in i have been encouraging her to play. At one point the teacher was holding her and i just sat near while they were playing so that was good!
Last edited by scarlet on Mon Oct 18, 2010 9:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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megansmummy
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Re: Should I consider childcare?/WWYD

Postby megansmummy » Mon Oct 18, 2010 9:01 pm

deffinatly do it gradually (imo) your LO is only little still...i would stay and play for 10 mins or so and then try and leave for 10 mins or so and see how she goes...if she is upset then go back (i know you wont get much knitting done :giggle: but little progress steps would be good!), the main thing is that you want her to see this place as somewhere fun and friendly..not somewhere negative and upset so i would deffinatly go back if she gets upset :D

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