cosleeping? and no-sleeping....

Ok, our babies both sleep in bed with me, this has been the case since day one as they just did not sleep at all (maybe 4 hrs in 24 for the first 6 weeks) other than that they would only sleep on top of us for little catnaps in the day. This means there is no room for Mr CP He has declined a single bed alongside us to make a huge bed as he does not feel cosleeping is normal. Here's the problem, I am exhausted, a good night it when Imo wakes up a bout 5 times and Nat wakes up twice, he sleeps next to her (only ever on his front, I know its bad and I feel so guilty but he has never in his whole life slept on his back only on his front on top of me or Mr CP and I just caved at about 4 weeks out of desperation.) She sleeps touching me and often wakes up and SCREAMS in the night. I am often awake for two/three hours in the night if they wake up together becuase it take along time to feed Natty and ages to settle them both. While I would love to cosleep on one level, on another its clearly not ok for Mr CP, and also I am loosing the will to live becuase while they improved considerably at 12 weeks, illness has meant they are back to how they were when they were newborn (although now they will tolerate being put down for a few minutes). Bedtime used to work, now they are awake and screaming for hours after their bath, then they are awake and crying all night too becuase they are exhausted. The other night I fed them alternatly between 7pm and 1am and I am loosing it.

Tamba twinline has recommended controlled crying which I am just not willing to do, that does not suit how we want to be parents. Does anyone have any ideas? Given that we are more inclinded to attachment parenting than Ginafording I know we will not have a "solution" but its ridiculous at the moment. I know that three weeks of illness has caused the nightmare that it is at the moment but there must be hope? I have to feed Nat to sleep anyway, Imo just about slept in her basket pre-illness for up to three hours (but waking upabout 10 times in that time). We are happy for them to be in our room and for them to share a cot (probably with a divider) but last night for example they fed seven times between them and that is not including the time Imo spent awake, I just cannot work out how I will get them into another bed without being up all night trying to get them back to sleep. Tamba twinline told me they will just get more used to how things are if we don't asddress things but I just don't see how it can be different while I am breastfeeding them. Any ideas?

Tamba are right about them getting more used to things the longer they continue like that, but you very much have to follow your own instincts. and if you are not comfortable with control crying then it not right for you.
Do you know why Imo keeps waking? and will Nat sleep in a cot alone on his tummy? (you can buy one of those pads that beep for under his tummy if it makes you feel more comfortable)
i really think the first stage it to work out why they are waking and crying. if they settle after feedining then we can assume hunger, of they settle with a hug we can aassume comfort etc etc. i also fine it help ful to chatrt everything babies do for a few days to see if with hindsight there is a pattern emerging.
another idea, tho i dont know if it is an option for you is to employ a doula or maternity nurse who specialises in twins, for a few night to advise you. but you have to be very careful that its someone who has similar 'parenting' methods' to you and wont just say 'oh a good strict routine and control crying will work.'

you poor poor thing, i can hear taht you really are getting to the end of your tether, and i cannot even imagine what 2 babies is like, having one is hard enough. so giant cuddles to you and MR CP.

shevi

ps. i know you dont want to hear this...but the only 2 sets of twins that i know who's mothers havent be driven to insanity both put them in a routine (still exclusivily breastfeeding as it happens) as early as possible....i know another set who were bottle fed and the mummy did strict routine too that worked, but its not relivent to you.

do you tandem feed?

Hiya

I have to say that I too am a big believer in routine. I really think that babies need a routine so that they know how life works!

Now I don't by any means 'stick to the routine regardless' and I am not a heartless mum (if they are poorly, or upset, or anything then routines are adapted but not lost iyswim!)

I suppose my advice would be to try the EASY method (which is the method that worked so well for us)

E - Eat
A - Activity
S - Sleep
Y - You (this is supposed mean that you get you time )

basically, in a nutshell our days used to go like this:

Breakfast (so BF ), Playtime, into cot upstairs for a nap (both in same cot or own cots whatever you feel best with and they are happiest with), BF, Play, nap! and so on through the day!

then bedtime at whatever time best suits the feeding routine but I would imagine no later then 11pm or thereabouts!

IF they are feeding enough during the day the HOPEFULLY they may start to sleep through from the 11pm ish time to around 6am or thereabouts! then this night sleep just gets longer as they get older (in an ideal world!) and the day sleeps can be suitably adapted to suit!

It will take a while to settle into this sort of routine but believe me it has been the only sanity saver for me with my little people.

you know where I am hun if you think I can be of any help!

jan x

I don't know how to improve your situation I am afraid but want to send you lots of I can really sympathise with the frequent night waking and I only have 1! You are doing an amazing job and bf'ing the 2 of them must be very hard work.

Like the others I am a firm believer in routines. that is not to say I like gina ford or anything close to it and know that even with a routine you need flexibility depending on what is going on but I did find with Charlotte that a regular bedtime routine at 7pm from 3 months old (still in place now) worked for us - she still woke through the night but only a few times. Also as Shevi says writing things done really helps - I worked out her nap times by noting what times she fell asleep and noticed a pattern emerging over a few days which I hadn't seen before.

I hope things improve for you hun. I can sympathise on the co-sleeping issue, I am always torn as to whether it is a good thing or not and Mark doesn't really like it as he worries something will happen. You need to do what you feel is best though at the end of the day.

I'm with you on routine as I need one! We get up at the same time, we usually have their evil formula at the same time, they nap at about the same time every day, they get a bath at the same time everyday too, its just the activities that differ (babycafe or LLL meeting or going out for a walk or going to a friend etc) when they have been ill I've been staying at home becuase I didn't want ot infect other people and then becuase I wanted let them sleep/they just felt too poorly to lump them round in the buggy. I think I have a fairly good flesible routine but it seems to make no difference

for the lack of sleep and having such ill babies recently. There have been times that Ben has been in with us all night and we have all been unsettled because he was ill (chest infection and such like).

Have you got each child there own comfort object? Ben decided on a muslin (thankfully it can be any colour and changed throughout the day) and the dreaded dummy - he decided he liked to sleep with dummy in his mouth and muslin draped over his right cheek - then muslin had to completely cover his face

I personally can't go with controlled crying either, but there are times when Ben cries and then the next second he is asleep.

If you want them out of your bed so mr cp can move back in, I would just go for it, even if you have to bring them both in the feed the night away, you might with everything crossed get an hour or 2 sleep in.

Other people like lll might be able to suggest things too, but is it possible to move their top up feed to somepoint in the night so you can at least get some rest, if dh is able to do a shift. (We used to split up night to about 3 or 4 in the morning). Are the babies actually waking hungry, or just wanting a comfort suck, or smelling you thinking mummy is here lets feed now?

Do they sleep in a cot during the day, or in bed or just in the pushchair - we always saved night time bed for night time, and used carrycot / pushchair downstairs with noise going on (only the tiniest of noise at times) for daytime, so night time was completely different.

just try to do what is right for you right now.

I hope they settle for you.
Anyway, if you don't want to co-sleep any more, but still want to be close for touching etc, does the side of the cot fold down? I have known a friend that left the side of the cot down all the time, and had the matress raised to the level of her own bed. The baby slept in her bed, and mummy was able to easily bf from her own bed, which gave her DH room to be in bed as well.

we have a cosleeper but when they were tiny they would not even tolerate that, just woke up seconds after they were down, they had to be in bed with me or at least given that htey only slept about three hours a day we just couldn't cope without them in bed with me. Things are improving with illness but we need to make a concerted effort, will come back and post more as Imo is cry8ign now

hope things are getting a little easier and tonight is better