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Having real trouble coping :-(

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rachymoo
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Having real trouble coping :-(

Postby rachymoo » Wed Mar 23, 2011 3:59 pm

Hello,

Some of you with bigger families will laugh at me for saying this but I am really having trouble coping with 2 little ones! I have not long had my second baby and I am really struggling. My DD (2) is struggling to adjust, is very sensitive and teary and is really misbehaving at the moment.

She will do things like climb on the table and grab things she shouldn't (plus there is the risk that she will fall off), runs upstairs and won't come down (we have really weird stairs that we cant seem to find a stairgate to fit!), if I tell her no she just shouts at me and does it even more. It's hard because my DS feeds constantly (I am breastfeeding) all afternoon so I am stuck on the sofa most of the time!

Then she tries to get in DS's basket with him, I have also caught her trying to smack him a few times. I feel so torn, and so guilty like she thinks I don't love her any more.

I am really finding it hard, I keep crying and I panic at the thought of being on my own with them, I count the hours until my DP is home from work. Any advice much appreciated, thank you.

Rach xx

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paintedclaws
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Re: Having real trouble coping :-(

Postby paintedclaws » Wed Mar 23, 2011 4:09 pm

Oh hun, no-one is going to laugh at you. :hug: :hug:

Its difficult adjusting from 1 to 2, i found it really hard! Especially if the youngest is feeding constantly and the older one (who remember is no more than a baby herself) is causing a fuss. My elder too are about the same age difference and i remember only to well how hard those first few weeks/months were. But it does get easier as the younger one settles into more of a routine and the older one accepts that baby isn't going anywhere.

I used to leave all the housework until the evening when Mike was home and spend the day just getting used to being the mum of two. Have a few things out to keep the older one occupied whilst baby fed, even a dvd if it'll mean she'll sit still for a minute and keep the doors closed so you have a second or two warning that shes going to be a madam..

But overall remember that you can do this, you already are! No matter how bad it feels right now. :hug: :hug:

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50ftQueenie
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Re: Having real trouble coping :-(

Postby 50ftQueenie » Wed Mar 23, 2011 4:11 pm

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: I'm no help I'm afraid as we had a five year age gap. I am sure someone will be along with advice. :hug: :hug:

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GeoMax
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Re: Having real trouble coping :-(

Postby GeoMax » Wed Mar 23, 2011 4:13 pm

Firstly :hug: :hug:

Secondly, do you have a sling? I have a 22 month gap between my two boys, and my wrap sling was my saviour. I could just pop Max in the sling and still play with George and give him plenty of positive attention. Also when feeding I would either read a book with him, or get out 'special' toys he only was allowed when I was feeding. I also got George to 'help', fetching nappies wipes etc, and giving him huge praise. He even used to wipe his willy with me :giggle: . We had good and bad days and none of this is easy when you are sleep deprived and have those crazy hormones. In time it gets easier, and now at 2 and 4 they are the greatest of friends and I love the closeness they have.

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knees_on
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Re: Having real trouble coping :-(

Postby knees_on » Wed Mar 23, 2011 4:16 pm

I've always foudn the first 8 weeks really hard as mine always feed ridiculously often too and it seems like the rest of them can run riot and I can't do anything about it. :hug: :hug:

I don't know what to say about DD on the table. Maybe you could have a secret stash of craft things/toys and you only get on e out when you are feeding. Then she has a distraction that is specially for her and maybe feeding time may be assiciated with something nice for her. We don't have a telly so if I need them to be occupied I put something on on Iplayer.

I still get days now when I aqm stuck feeding! Or trying to type and making loads of mistakes! :giggle: The first few weeks are hard but you haveall that squidginess with your bean to make up for it. You will soon not be 'needed' so much and then you will loiok at your 11 year old and think, "Where's the time gone?!!"

Don't forget your hormones are still raging too so everything will seem more emotional.

You get through :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

Plus WTS

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gilbertandmartha
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Re: Having real trouble coping :-(

Postby gilbertandmartha » Wed Mar 23, 2011 4:18 pm

I have no real advice sorry. But could you get together some activities the night before, then bring them out at regular intervals when she starts to act up.

My two are getting to be a handful, and I have boxes of activities ready, so as soon as they start to get cranky I get out the 'blocks box' or the art box etc and we are ready to go, no planning required. I also have a rug/mat thing that I get out, so as soon as that comes out they know there's something nice coming along.

Good luck :hug:

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Kryshees
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Re: Having real trouble coping :-(

Postby Kryshees » Wed Mar 23, 2011 4:21 pm

Bless you!

I had an 18 month gap between my two and tbh, I got zilch done during the day, cebeeies was on lots.

My only survival tips was to use a baby sling/carrier so my dd couldn't get hold of ds. On her nice days, she'd 'tuck him in' which involed pileing blankets on his head!!! But using the sling he could feed of at least be out of harms way. I'd have to spend the whole time on the floor with dd, lunch, play, everything. and then trying to bf at the same time.

Its not probably the best way, but can you get her to help you too? like a job of the day...to give her something of her own to do...like putting lunch on plates, finding nappies for me, helping put them on..I think dd liked being involved with ds as well, then lots of praise when 'helping'. even its preconcieved things...like fetching a waterbottle for you that has been left on the side or something.

Maybe try do some play upstairs and play making a comfy space for you to sit to bf, and bf and read a book at the same time.

And really, really...it will all change soon, your dd is getting more and more used to ds being about and it will get better. promise!!! xx

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Sunset
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Re: Having real trouble coping :-(

Postby Sunset » Wed Mar 23, 2011 4:23 pm

:hug: :hug: can't really add to the excellent advice from the other ladies. It will get better though as time goes on. I found myself ignoring an awful lot of Isaiah's behaviour unless it was really bad, like the hitting etc. I still now just leave any housework until they are both in bed or asleep, DH came home to a complete and utter tip yesterday but an hour after they were both sleeping it was all gone and tidy. :hug:

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tanya
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Re: Having real trouble coping :-(

Postby tanya » Wed Mar 23, 2011 4:41 pm

I had exactly the same issues adjusting when my Jake came along. It is really hard work going from 1 to 2. TBH, CBeebies was on a LOT more than I would have liked and I let her get away with a lot of things that she wouldn't usually be allowed to. Once things had settled down a bit, I worked on sorting out the "bad" behaviour.

:hug: :hug: It does get easier, I promise.

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