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Having real trouble coping :-(

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lucretia
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Re: Having real trouble coping :-(

Postby lucretia » Wed Mar 23, 2011 5:23 pm

I have a daughter who is 7 weeks today and a son who is two on the 9th april, and just wanted to let you know you are not alone. I am not finding it quite as hard from what you have said in that I don't dread being alone with them etc, but it is definitely hard work for me!

My older one has also been playing up and being naughty, and I feel like a terrible mummy at times for not having more patience with him, but just keep reminding myself he is only a baby himself. He is quite good with Lilith really in that he always tries to hug her etc, and cares about her but I am constantly worried he will hurt her by mistake / throw a toy at her etc. She is also breastfeeding. The hardest bit I find is getting us all ready in the morning or making mine and xanders lunch as he follows me everywhere and wreaks havoc.. it all takes 3 x as long now :)

But just remember that this stage is only short and try to enjoy it as they will only be this small once! I agree about doing the housework when OH gets home. I have no choice but to do that really as Xander has been soo naughty recently that there is no time for it in the day. I am too busy stopping him from pulling things out of plug sockets and throwing plates across the room! lol
:hug:

It will get better soon!

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megansmummy
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Re: Having real trouble coping :-(

Postby megansmummy » Wed Mar 23, 2011 5:36 pm

Going from 1 to 2 was the hardest for me...my eldest demanded my attention and my ds was so fussy/refluxy eyc and fed constantly...the sling was my life saver...

This time the older two play etc while im feeding and megan is very helpful so its
much easier on me.
It wilk get better, your dd will adjust and things will slowly get bettet i promise :hug: :hug:

Now the weather is nice you could pack up and head to the park...you can sit and feed while your dd runs and plays etc :) or sit in the garden if thats an option?

:hug:

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confusinglady
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Re: Having real trouble coping :-(

Postby confusinglady » Wed Mar 23, 2011 9:21 pm

Don t be :oops: at all. I have a similar gap between my two but we re now a year on. The first few weeks are really hard but it does get easier honestly. My eldest is and has always been v demanding of attention, tantrums the lot.
Top tips:
Don t expect to achieve anything from your day bar feeding and giving attention to your older one.
Talk about what you re doing with tiny one and why , like a little running commentary. Also try and do this with your older one when they re playing e.g oh you re playing with the Lego that's looks like good fun etc
Prop yourself up on the floor with bean bag cushion or diver or something and play with older one whilst feeding
If you know you re going to be feeding soon set older one up with a snack or a drink or activity that you can help them with with one hand and sit them maybe at a small table next to you if you can. I had a table from a nest of tables and one of those foldy camp chair thingys :giggle:


Other ideas:
Set some ground rules at the beginning of the day maybe to let her know that she is not to go upstairs. If she does go up calmly pick her up bring her down and place her at the activity. With just saying something like ' I need you to stay downstairs. I sometimes had to let the little one cry whilst I sorted the older one out as I wanted her to know I wasn t messing about. Pick your battles though if upstairs and table are the big ones just stick to them and try and give lots of positive feedback to her about everything else.

Good luck I m sure things will calm down she's just testing.
Xxxx

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cumbrianlass
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Re: Having real trouble coping :-(

Postby cumbrianlass » Wed Mar 23, 2011 9:33 pm

21 months between my two and another who found it :shock: at first.

Lots of really good suggestions here, and hopefully you feel better just by knowing your are not alone! For me it was sling or carrier and cbeebies which saved the day, Back then DD was addicted to Night Garden & Mr Tumble so she got a couple of new DVDs and feeding time was her treat time with a snack and the DVD on.

Dont be afraid too to ask for friends or family to come round more in the first few weeks. Not to take up your time - just ask the ones who will come over, make you a cup of tea and play with your oldest (although while you are still around). If they will do the housework even better. :wink: If not then sod it, so you will have a messy house for a month or so until you get a routine sorted. After a few weeks it does just click into place and life gets easier.

It breaks your heart to do it, but sometimes you have to let one cry while you sort out the other. The baby wont remember or be affected by a minute or so extra, the toddler maybe will.

My two are 2 and 3 & 3/4 now and like a PP said, they are the best of friends. Hearing them giggling together is one of the best sounds in the world. You'll be there before you know it.

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Soupdragon
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Re: Having real trouble coping :-(

Postby Soupdragon » Wed Mar 23, 2011 10:06 pm

:hug: :hug: :hug:

The first few weeks are tough. The first day that DH went back to work after Callum's birth I sat and cried - I just felt completely overwhelmed. There are still some days when I wish there were about three of me. :giggle: But it is soooo much easier now - and in such a short space of time!

Iris was a horror when we first brought Callum home. One afternoon I was sat BF him and she toddled over; she shouted 'Mama!' at me to make sure she'd got my full attention and then pee'd on the floor. :x I ignored a lot of the bad behaviour and tried to make sure we had time together either when Callum napped or when DH came home from work. The housework gets done in the evening largely. She does still display some sibling jealousy occasionally (what child doesn't?!), but it's so easy to handle now.

When I'm BF, Iris and I read a book together. I try to get her to help by getting her to choose nappies for Callum. And I've also become less precious about Callum. She hugs him, I think she's rough, but Callum smiles so I don't worry about it any more. Now that he's smiling and cooing, Iris loves to try and entertain him. Bonus! :wine: :giggle: Oh, and a sling is essential.

It will get better. :hug:

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Bluebell
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Re: Having real trouble coping :-(

Postby Bluebell » Thu Mar 24, 2011 7:21 am

Would a stretchy wrap help when you are feeding DS, so you have your hands free to cuddle DD/read her a story etc and give you some flexibility to move about if you need to? Just a thought :wink:

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weefywoo
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Re: Having real trouble coping :-(

Postby weefywoo » Thu Mar 24, 2011 9:45 am

Those first few weeks are hard, very hard :hug: :hug:

It does get easier with time but I know that at this moment it feels like it never will.
I found putting a small washing bowl with a small bit of soapy water on the floor in the living room would keep Imogen entertained for ages, I used the TV (lots :oops: ) and I put a buggy across the bottom of the stairs so Imogen would not go up them as we too have odd stairs that stair gates don't fit

When Imogen was born I bought a babydan playpen for Aoife to play in while I fed, that also helped when I needed to leave the room and she did not want to come with me.

I still to this day count down the hours until dp get's home from work.

Your doing a great job Rach :hug: :hug:

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