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At what point does it become selfish?

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Dancing mum
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Re: At what point does it become selfish?

Postby Dancing mum » Sat Aug 23, 2014 7:42 pm

My friend (who's baby is now 13 weeks old) started mix feeding at about 1 / 2 weeks cos baby had lost too much weight (can't remember how much) and mw and hv were saying they would have to admit her if she didn't gain x amount. She managed to get her gaining weight steadily and avoided going into hospital again. She was very torn and unsure about it all but it has turned out great as she is now gradually reducing the volume and number of top up formula feeds and baby is still gaining weight and following along the same percentile line. Baby is strong and happy and hasn't caused any nipple confusion for her.
One thing she did find though... After a few weeks she swaped how she gave the feeds so she actually now gives the bottle first and then the breast. Although this seems counterintuitive she has found it works great because before she felt baby wasn't really working very hard at breast with the safe knowledge that she'd be getting a bottle afterwards! Now she polishes off the bottle first and because she's still hungry she latches on and does a really good feed as well, so over all seems to be drinking a lot more this way than before (although hard to know for sure I guess) and is finishing very satisfied as the breast milk is endless so just keeps going until full. I'm not sure this is what the health care pros would suggest but thought I'd mention it cos it's certainly worked for her.

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Dancing mum
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Re: At what point does it become selfish?

Postby Dancing mum » Sat Aug 23, 2014 7:52 pm

I also know several babies who have had tounge ties, ranging from very extreme (tounge was heart shaped!) to quite small. All of them had them snipped and, even though quite nervous about it before hand, none have regretted it! One mum has found it's taken quite a while to improve the feeding as baby is now learning to use mouth and tounge in a new way but all the others noticed an immediate improvement (even though some hadn't thought there was much problem with the latch before).
Obviously you need to do what feels right for Penny and you, but from what they have told me (fortunately not experienced it myself) the baby is not sedated at all, the procedure was very quick and baby then handed straight back to mum to immediately put on breast to calm and soothe mouth.
Good luck, sounds like you have a lot of decisions to make, none of them easy... I'm sure you'll make the right choice for you and your family >:D<

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clothsister
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Re: At what point does it become selfish?

Postby clothsister » Sat Aug 23, 2014 8:15 pm

Don't know what I'd do without you all thank you xx

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ems101
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Re: At what point does it become selfish?

Postby ems101 » Sat Aug 23, 2014 8:49 pm

I disagree on the breast is best mantra. It may have more long term health benefits but if the effect on mother is detrimental then I think formula could very well be tge better option. Its such a tough decision but you only have to make it a day at a time so dont rush and see how you go. I think there is no person on this board that would consider you selfish in any way. It is Clear that you are doing your upmost to do tge best for your baby.
Xx

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confusinglady
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Re: At what point does it become selfish?

Postby confusinglady » Sat Aug 23, 2014 9:42 pm

:hug: :hug:
Its so hard that Mother Nature makes us have to make such big decisions when we re at our most tired, emotional and vulnerable.

As everyone else has said you are doing your best and that's all you can do! We re not superheroes after all ;) As you have quite rightly said you have another daughter to consider too.

My second and third and perhaps my first ( didn t know anything about tt till someone spotted it on my second and she fed like my first!) had tongue tie and all three have lip tie so feeding has always been an issue here too.
Just to reassure you about the TT snip, it is worse thinking about it than it actually is and feeding did improve. I asked 6 different professionals to check DS for tongue tie ( as I could see it) before someone else saw it straight away. Mine had tight posterior tongue tie which is very hard to see.
This link is quite helpful:
http://www.cwgenna.com/ttidentify.html

It could however be nothing to do with a tongue tie and Penny is just still learning to ropes and now needs more time to gain that weight.

I d have thought that rather than expressing so much maybe do a formula feed as this will give you some time back to relax and enjoy both children. If Penny is getting that first milk , which mine always did and couldn t drain the breast before becoming tired, then your supply will be plenty. I was always bursting with milk it would fire out all over the place :giggle: because my breasts weren t getting the right messages.

I hope things improve :hug:

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clothmama
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Re: At what point does it become selfish?

Postby clothmama » Sat Aug 23, 2014 11:48 pm

Some wonderful wonderful advice from the girls :hug:

clothsister wrote:I have spent so long hearing that exclusive bf is the only option and that you shouldn't combo feed that I have ended up putting a ridiculous amount of pressure to exclusively bf. silly isn't it!

Exclusively breastfeeding is NOT the only option, far far from it. If mixed feeding gets you guys through this little speed hump I think you should feed her what you can from the breast, express (but as someone else said maybe give yourself a bit of a break so that you arent' feeling like it is all you are doing - as you say it will be much more efficient once you get the double pump from Sim), and then top up with EBM when you have enough and formula when you don't. The last little baby we were struggling with weight on the ward we were doing that, BF first, then offering a bottle of EBM or forumula at every feed, he soon was sorted using that method. It is only Monday until you see someone so I agree with you don't make any decisions until then :hug: I'm thinking you have got through the worst of it now and (once TT is confirmed or ruled out) it is just a case of her getting a bit bigger and stronger and getting your supply up :hug: You are doing awesome @clothsister you'll be all over it and this will be a memory before you know it :cnthug:

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Bernadette
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Re: At what point does it become selfish?

Postby Bernadette » Sun Aug 24, 2014 12:30 am

I may be the only one, but I didn't exclusively breastfeed either of my boys. Fin's first drink was formula as I was still out from his CS and the midwife and DH gave him formula.

We had talked about it during the pregnancy and decided that we would breast and bottle feed so that DH could cuddle and feed too. This worked well for us and I don't think my boys have suffered in any way for it.

Fin was breastfeed till about 6 months (until he kept biting as he cut his teeth at 12 weeks ) and I had enough. Patrick was feed until about 18 months. He was a much better feeder.

My SIL always criticised our decision to do both and use cloth! I just ignored as it was best for us and what we wanted to do.

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poghag
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Re: At what point does it become selfish?

Postby poghag » Tue Aug 26, 2014 1:00 pm

Massive support on the mixed feeding route from this end, Clothsister, because I don't think you can hear it enough times. Background; I'd been going to monthly Leche Legue meetings since 5 months pregnant and was so interested and borrowed so many books every month and I was absolutely utterly and totally committed to exclusively breastfeeding, end of story.

So when my little bubble still hadn't regained birthweight by 5 weeks, in spite of suckling round the clock, sling-suckling skin to skin, co-sleeping, no tongue tie, an utterly demoralising pumping routine, and tablespoons of fenugreek sprinkled on every meal for me, I was distraught. Which is ridiculous, but I'd managed to really brainwash myself. The Leche League were very supportive (whilst they couldn't quite grasp that I just couldn't increase my supply) and suggested supplemental nursing systems (where baby suckles from a tube taped to your breast, thus still stimulating your own milk, just in case you'd not heard of these) and said I should request donated breastmilk... I was very much indoctrinated into the belief that formula was such a massive no no. And they really were adamant that I could improve my supply somehow, but I simply couldn't.

So at 5 weeks, when told it would be formula or hospital, we started giving 1 or 2 little formula bottles a day. The relief was unbelievable, bubble gained weight beautifully, we soon dropped the second bottle so she was definitely just getting boobie milk all evening and night, and by about 15 weeks we happily dropped all bottles (although we picked them up again sporadically during growth spurts, which goes against LLL advice but we'd learned not to be precious). Another lady from my birth group had a baby with drastic weight loss; she topped up with formula for just 3 weeks I think, then was able to EBF again. I was really under the impression that mixed feeding spelt the beginning of the end of breastfeeding, and it really didn't.

Really hope that a tongue tie snip works for you; my problem was purely inadequate supply in spite of buckets of research as to what I could do to improve that... either way take heart that if you do decide to top up with formula, it really really really is ok. My little munch is now 10 months and has never had a visit to a doctor and is the grubbiest little farm baby... in spite of supplementing with formula she clearly still has plenty of antibodies from me and a joyful breastfeeding relationship.

Good luck, best wishes and much love! xx

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clothsister
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Re: At what point does it become selfish?

Postby clothsister » Thu Aug 28, 2014 12:20 pm

Just wanted to say a massive thank you to everyone for your help, advice and support! We have an appointment at the tongue tie clinic Monday so hopefully we'll get some answers. I don't know what
I'll do if they say it's not TT after all as she still doesn't get anything from me at all. X

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