On a more positive note

Finally had a positive hospital appointment.

I saw another consultant (mine was keen for me to have a second opinion), went through whole history (RMCs), and last times birth and after effects/complications, and why I am keen to VBAC, reasons for anxiety etc...

I can't remember if I have previously said, but Jacob born nearly 12y after an uneventful pregnancy by EMCS following 2d+ labour. Post op infections continued for months and I required repeated surgeries. Since then I have suffered 15 miscarriages (3 late, and 1 ectopic). This pregnancy has been far from smooth sailing with an early SCH, 1/50 DS risk (declined amnio), brain cyst at 20 weeks scan(now resorbed), an RTA leading to threatened labour at 28 weeks, and most recently a hospital stay with sepsis

Anyway, today's consultant said that IF I am well by then, the most sensible plan is to come in early to MLU planning to labour there, but to find out availability of the pool room on CLU at that point with a low tolerance to transfer over if necessary. I'm happy with this as all I wanted was the chance to VBAC. He also discussed foetal ECG to reduce false positives for foetal distress (my main reason for not wanting continuous monitoring) should I wind up in CLU. As I was expecting another consultant to read put stats and ignore me, I am over the moon with this compromise.

I saw the anaesthetist too (Iam allergic to every drug going, so they need to plan...), who discussed plans for various eventualities, and was lovely, and spent time reassuring me of viability at this stage even if I deliver tonight.

I currently tick all the monitoring boxes for ELCS (stats still all over the place recovering from sepsis, scar and abdo pain+ and exhausted) so things have to improve and me become well again for this to happen, but its nice to hear that assuming I get better rather than worse ten I may be allowed to labour normally.

I am seeing my consultant tomorrow to discuss an actual plan, as the possibility of early ELCS has been mentioned, especially if my scar is looking dicey on tomorrow's scan. Still fighting off re admission, but at present they are happy for me to stay at home so long as I am getting no worse

I do feel that there are some real positives here, and that these appointments, whilst not ideal, have gone as well as I could hope for under the circumstances

Will update with a plan tomorrow x

That does sound positive. It's lovely that they are listening to your wishes. You've had such a hard run my fingers are tightly crossed everything goes smoothly for you from now.

Gosh, you have been through the mill

That does sounds like a plan that takes your wishes into account, it's good that you feel the cons listened to you.

FC very tightly that everything goes smoothly from here on in

You've been through so much and it must be a relief to have a positive appointment after so much scary stuff. Good luck!

So, didn't go so well today.
Whilst I am starting to feel a little better finally, so was hoping the plans might reflect this, another abnormality was picked up at scanning today. Further tests have been recommended, and I have been given the first dose of steroids in case of premature delivery.
Thanks for all the well wishes, but my birth plans and wishes taken a back burner, and I am now just praying that LO is OK xx

Just reading your posts and wanted to say don't be scared of elcs they are a whole different experience from an emergency section. My elective was the nicest birth experience I could have hoped for. My emergency section after 19h established labour was horrific and traumatic mentally. Just thought I'd sat my bit just in case you end up with an elective. X

Thanks @clothsister,
I thnk for me it is the emotional impact of feeling that I have failed (as in failed to give birth) that was my big issue with Jacob, but then again the section was purely because they had run out of things to do, rather than a genuine time pressured emergency.
I think in this instance where both baby and my lives are clearly at risk, I can understand the potential need for ELCS, so hoping to avoid that kind of anxiety/after effects - does that make sense, maybe???

TBH, the way I'm feeling today, I don't really care what the mode of delivery is any more, I just want this little man to be OK

Thnaks again

@cuppachaplz that's exactly how I felt about my first and when I was dye with my second I chose a section due to previous traumatic experience. It was lovely. I'm not in anyway trying to say it's the right decision for you but wanted you to know that they can be lovely if that's what the consultants decide for your little one.

How you feeling this evening? X

@clothsister, feeling a little calmer about things now, and also a little better in myself
Thanks so much for the kind words, and different perspective

I think, was a I well and things different then an ELCS would not be right for me, however, I feel under current circumstances, it becomes very easy to view a section as an absolute necessity rather than any failure on my part.
I am trying to concentrate on the positives in everything, and getting myself in the best place to be the best I can be for this LO when he gets here.