Endless battles.

So we are having a lot of trouble with Martha having a tantrum about everything. Latest this morning is that she wanted to take her new sunglasses to school, I said no, cue tantrum. This was after she had insisted she wanted to wear knee socks despite it being the hottest day of the year so far, and that she needed to take suncream to school (we use the all day long stuff). She later had a fit because I wouldn't iron her a cardi to take with her, and made her take a jumper instead (which of course she won't wear all day).

We also have tantrums about what she will and will not wear, hot little tears running down her face if you dare to suggest something she doesn't want - yesterday she had a meltdown because I'd suggested that we go upstairs to put her new skirt on to go out in and she didn't want to wear it. I'd gone off upstairs and so DH was left with this wailing child and no earthly idea why she was crying.

He is off work at the moment and he says that every morning and every afternoon before and after school she will cry about something. PArtly it's because she thinks she's in charge and will get in trouble if, for example, she doesn't take suncream when she has been told to. But partly she's just difficult .

On Friday they have non uniform day and they have to wear red white and blue - Martha has a lovely outfit that would do brilliantly but the skirt is patchwork, from a distance it looks red and blue but up close there are a few other colours on the patches. I just know we will have a massive argument about it and I am dreading the discussion!

Any advice? I want to help her see that her life would be less stressful if she just let us make some of the decisions........

i have no advice, only
hayley is 19 months old.... and already starting on this... and i am lost
hope more knowledgeable ladies can advise....

We have exactly the same at 2.5. Help!

Stick at it, We have this occasionally with Scarlett and tbh - i just walk away now and address the situation later. If we are rushing and she is insisting on something i just repeat myself and continue as i was, dragging a statue like sulking child behind me

She is just trying to get her own way, when she is calmer try to explain to her how you dont like seeing her upset but sometimes mummy knows best and that you've spoken to school and she isnt allowed her sunglasses, sun cream etc.. so you dont want her getting into trouble.

As for clothing, i always try to give Scarlett an option of 2 or 3 outfits, that way she is wearing what i think is appropriate but she feels like she has chosen herself. If necessary we may compromise.. like today she wanted to wear a thin strap summer dress grandma bought her but i wanted her to wear a different one. I said she could wear it, only if she wore a little tee under it to protect her shoulders.. okay, she was happy with that.

The key thing is just be consistent, as soon as you give in they know theyve got you which is why we always have a few extra battles when she comes back from a weekend at grandmas where she most certainly gets her way all the time!

She is just trying to get her own way, when she is calmer try to explain to her how you dont like seeing her upset but sometimes mummy knows best and that you've spoken to school and she isnt allowed her sunglasses, sun cream etc.. so you dont want her getting into trouble.

Part of the problem is that she is a worryer and sometimes it's the other way - so school have asked for suncream but I've said no, you don't need it, we use the all day stuff, and then she gets upset that she has been told by MISS ATKINSON no less that she HAS to bring sunscreen. Of course when I see Miss Atkinson at school and explain she's fine with it, but Martha gets herself into a state.

You have just described N..........add in the not listening and living in opposite world and it's him He's been like it constantly fo rthe past few days and it's driving me mad. All I do is calm him down and tell him off
I do pick my battles and compromise too, like " fine you can take x to pre-school but i'm telling them you have it because you kow you're not allowed to take your own toys in. It causes arguements so they will put it in the drawer".
I need to start the I will talk to you when you are calm stuff again as I am getting drawn in which doesn't help

Tyler is exactly like this too, he goes into complete meltdown over the tiniest and most rediculous things - this morning he screamed and cried for about 10 minutes because my mum didn't shut the porch door behind her when she left

With deliberate violence - hitting, punching and kicking (all of which he is prone to when having a paddy) I just put him straight on the stairs/on his bed depending whether we are upstairs or down at the time and ignore him until he calms down. Most other things I tend to just do as Rox - carry on as if the meltdown isn't happening, once he realises that his behaviour isn't having an impact on me he tends to snap out of it pretty quickly!

He does tend to be a lot worse when he is tired or I am trying to rush him though - me rushing tends to stress him out. He is also a child that needs multiple warnings for everything (I start prewarning him about bath and bedtime imediately after dinner) and even then it doesn't always prevent him kicking off. I need to learn to not react to him too sometimes though as I find it quite hard to not shout when he winds me up

Annabel can be like this too but tbh I try and let her make her own decisions as much as possible so she feels in control. I'm a control freak and suspect she is too so I want her to feel secure.

Re clothes, I let her choose what she wants to wear, and I only veto if it's not weather appropriate. I would have let Martha wear her knee socks, if she was hot she could fold/roll them down, or alternatively realise that Mummy was right!. Re suncream, I would probably have just given her a small one to take, but explain why it wasn't necessary. There are things I will never compromise on (esp regards safety etc) but I do think it's a case of picking your battles.
Maybe ask Martha to pick out an outfit for Friday, explaining the red/white/blue rules, but letting her choose as long as it meets those criteria?

Also, maybe try asking her why she wants to do something so you can address the real issue. Eg if she wants a cardi not a jumper is it because all the other girls wear cardis, is it because her jumper is uncomfortable etc. you can then either address that reason (eg. Just because all the other girls wear cardis doesn't mean you have to, you are an individual), or if it is a good reason then you can agree and let her decide for herself.

I think it's important to teach children from an early age that their opinon does matter and they do have some control over their world.

Annabel can be like this too but tbh I try and let her make her own decisions as much as possible so she feels in control. I'm a control freak and suspect she is too so I want her to feel secure.

Re clothes, I let her choose what she wants to wear, and I only veto if it's not weather appropriate. I would have let Martha wear her knee socks, if she was hot she could fold/roll them down, or alternatively realise that Mummy was right!. Re suncream, I would probably have just given her a small one to take, but explain why it wasn't necessary. There are things I will never compromise on (esp regards safety etc) but I do think it's a case of picking your battles.
Maybe ask Martha to pick out an outfit for Friday, explaining the red/white/blue rules, but letting her choose as long as it meets those criteria?

Also, maybe try asking her why she wants to do something so you can address the real issue. Eg if she wants a cardi not a jumper is it because all the other girls wear cardis, is it because her jumper is uncomfortable etc. you can then either address that reason (eg. Just because all the other girls wear cardis doesn't mean you have to, you are an individual), or if it is a good reason then you can agree and let her decide for herself.

I think it's important to teach children from an early age that their opinon does matter and they do have some control over their world.

This where possible I'm not very organised so wouldn't always have both jumper and cardi ready ect but DS often picks the most random things. I try to hang outfit together so it's more an either or exercise. But he did out to bed last night in a fleece onesie ridiculous for yhe weather but he was ad adamant that was what he wanted.
Same if he's been asked for something I just let him take it even if I know it's not needed .