Sick of their behaviour!

I need to vent because I'm really tired of the shouting at the boys constantly - it's getting me down.

I've said this time and time again. They have plenty of things, but play with nothing. We take them out, and they're never satisfied. Yesterday we went to the beach, then McDonalds, then shopping (but only a brief in and out of two shops) and went for an ice cream. Then we came home and they were still performing for sweets, etc... and behaving badly - fighting with each other, running around and not listening when we tell them to stop, and general bad behaviour. It culminated in Ethan having to go to bed early with no story, which broke my heart - but he'd told me to 'shut up', and then told me 'you're crap', so it had to be done. I tried to talk to him when I took him upstairs about why it's wrong to say nasty things, but when I said to him "how would you feel if I said something nasty to you like 'get away from me, I don't like you!'?" he said that he would be happy. I asked him twice then, "you'd be happy?", and he kept saying 'yes', and it wasn't until I said "okay then, well I guess we don't have much to talk about" and stood up to go downstairs that he said it would make him feel sad.

I am just gutted. They watch TV constantly because if I turn it off they are an absolute nightmare. DH is going back to work tomorrow and I'm not going to be able to cope. I'm sick of the fighting, the rudeness, and the bad behaviour. I've never allowed it to happen and have always been quite strict with that, but they're now at the point where they'll do it regardless of what I say. Things are so bad at the moment I really feel that I don't like either of them at all.

What can I do about this?

How old are they?
Do they go to nursery/playgroup/preschool etc?

Unfortunately you will probably have to have a couple of really tough days if you want to change anything.

You need to get tough, explain the rules, say they are non-negotiable, explain what happens if they break them, and then do it consistently don't give in no matter how much they scream/cry/kick-off. As soon as you give in then they have controlled you and won't believe you next time.

Don't get angry (I know it's hard), but just calmly repeat "I am the parent, it's not up for negotiation".

Also give lots of praise and positive attention for good behaviour. Really gush when they are good and try to ignore the bad behaviour.

I was guilty when Aubrey was born of only putting him down to deal with Annabel when she was playing up. Once I started putting him down/in the sling and playing with her she started behaving better.

Scarlett is driving us potty at the moment with the same sort of behaviour which has come around since she started school.

There has always been an element there but i've kept it well under control but i think her brain is literally going 10x the speed now as she is learning sooooo much at school (which is fab!) that she cant slow it down and switch off at home so she is so wound up and hyper.

Usually what i say goes but i've had constant repeat questions despite saying no, not holding hands when asked, not being sensible around roads etc. Just such silly things that she knows about! BUT.. i think regression in some areas is normal whilst others develop and i think the adjustment to school rules etc must be very big and causing some rebellion at home.

I am hoping re-enforcement will work and after talking to DH this weekend we are taking a no tolerance approach, if she pushes it she gets pulled aside and told what she is doing wrong. Not just me saying 'no, no no' over again through frustration.

I'm also paying attention to how many sweets she is getting (my mother is visiting lots which = lots of sweets, something i dont usually offer her as she loves fruit so i always give her that) and sleep too.

I actually wish Scarlett would engage in a bit more TV to help her relax, she hardly watches any, instead preferring to practice numbers, letters, doing art etc - all great but the girl needs to relax! lol

I have no pearls of wisdom as we are battling a similar thing, just stick at it and tbh, if they dont do it how you want, then they need to be told. Its not acceptable. Its tough going but i hope it will work because im fed up of being fed up with Scarlett (and i know for you and i tiredness will be part of this, but still)

Thanks all for your replies. I haven't been online much lately with all the feeding. Well, I implemented a new system with Ethan and so far it seems to be working! He basically starts off each day with five stars, and if I have to take them away he gets a penalty - no computer time for the first, then ten minutes off his bed time for the next three, then the bedtime story for the fifth. I know he wouldn't want to lose that, so I hope it's not something I'll have to do too often as I think I was as upset as he was when I didn't read to him at bed time on Saturday. Today he's been an absolute dream, but I think that might be because he's spent a lot of time with me today as he had a hospital appointment that I took him to on my own - Jake was there, but he was sleeping so the whole time we were waiting he had my attention to himself and the appointment was late so we were there a while.

I'm just finding it impossible to split myself three ways at the moment. Rory is the least demanding of all three, so I really feel for him right now. Ethan's more vocal so he can play up for it, and Jake just takes a lot of time with the constant feeding, etc... I know it'll lighten up at some point, we just have to get through this intact!

Sarah
x

I hope things start looking up for you soon