Feeling mithered

At the moment I am feeling very mithered by both children, and I hope you can help me to find ways of dealing with this - that I can help to change my reaction but also some ideas for dealing with the things I find more challenging. Feel free to tell me that xyz is normal behaviour for their age, if it is!

I find it very difficult to get Oliver to stop doing things - for example today he kept leaning in to Isaac's pushchair and annoying him. Isaac was making it clear he didn't want him to do it by saying no and gently pushing him away. I asked him to stop doing it, then had to tell him to stop doing it and then removed him from being next to the pushchair. Not overly easy when squashed like sardines on a very packed bus. When Oliver got close to him again and did it, Isaac bit him! I had to tell Isaac off for biting, and comforted Oliver, but I had warned him it might happen.

Isaac loves his big brother very much and loves to copy him. So, we find it frustrating when Oliver 'acts up' and we ask him to stop, but doesn't meaning that Isaac copies him. I don't think Isaac is a saint, don't get me wrong, but as he's only 2, he is pretty easily led.

I know that there is a lot to be said for picking your battles, and I am trying to be more choosy over things, but something that is going to lead to violent behaviour or danger is something I am going to try to prevent.

The other thing I could do with help with is getting Oliver to go to sleep at night. We give the boys showers together, brush teeth and then have books. If DH and I are in, we will take a child each and read books to them in thier own rooms. If it's just one of them, it's share a book on Oliver's bed, take Isaac to his room and read a book and when he's settled come back to Oliver and read him a book. Oliver has a CD player in his room and will often listen to something like Paddington or Camberwick Green until he falls asleep. However. lately, he has been coming up with reasons not to go to sleep - needs the loo (many times), needs water, is reading books changing CD's etc. We make it clear that he should stay in bed unless he needs the toilet and that it's ok to read a book, but he makes such a song and dance about things he's often still awake at 9pm. That might not be too bad, but he is sooooo tired at the moment and it is affecting behaviour during the day.

Please help me stay sane!

Jen is similar in the first issue. She bugs james until he lashes out and pulls hair or hits her etc. He gets told off and she is tge poor baby who gets a cuddle. Well thst was until mummy cottoned on. Now they both get told off and I tell her what she is doing. It doesn't really stop it but I think its moved tge sibling processes on a little.

Bed times are hard arent then.so wearing at tge time of day you have least energy. Maybehave a tick chart of tjings he can do before bed. Two visits to the loo, three drinks, one cd change etc. When each thing Iis ticked then there is onlu sleep left. Or if you can find a quiet time to talk about why its hard tp sleep. Maybe try to come up with a hypothesis about why he is stalling. Is he anxious? Over tired? Over stimuated? Is it just a habit he has got into?

I read a paper recently based on 'going on a bear hunt'. It was taking about the cycles in life that we go through. The regressions at tricky times of life 'we can go over it, cant go round it, just have to go through it. '

It spoke to me and I find it helpful to think about when struggling with tge children, especially when I remember tgat they alesys get through the hurdles and end up snug and safe in bed!!

Ooh essay! Sorry!

Bribery lol. If you are well behaved and don't tease your brother I will let you stay up late

Two birds, one stone

It sounds daft but that's what I would do ha ha. Izzy doesn't do the teasing thing but she loves staying up late and it's a great way for her to feel grown up and for us to have one to one time. I usually put leon yo bed at half 6 or 7 then izzy half 7 ish but holidays she can stay up til 9 or 10 some nights. It's only been recently where she will lie in though which is better as she isn't too tired.

When is bedtime ? Could you stagger it to give him chance to wind down. If izzy is struggling I give her massage or guided body scan meditation

The first issue is similar here with Ewan at 5 and a bit. He bothers Lachlan endlessly and then complains when L pushes him away or hits out.

I find distraction is a good tool (food, and activity, a toy, or an 'oh my goodness look can you see xxx?'
I also give a lot of praise for kindness and thoughtfulness towards his brother and him showing self control which is helping eg: Wow, that was so sensible to move away when Lachlan said no, you should be proud of yourself.

I also ask him to think about the signals L is giving as I think E finds it tricky to eead sometimes eg: Lachlan's making that noise he does when he is starting to get annoyed, what do you think is upsetting him? Followed by What can we do to help him not be upset?

Of course, sometimes I forget to do any of this and get very frustrated and cross and find myself saying 'for the fifteen millionth time would you please leave you brother alone!!!'

Bedtimes, as Ems says, are hard. At one point Ewan was procrastinating endlessly so we did a visual timetable of bedtime - he helped decide the order or things and what pictures to use and alongside that we had a sticker chart for each evening he got through the routine and into bed. I think there were 30 squares on it and the 'prize' was a book of his choice (new bedtime story!).

He still has his ups and downs but it did help with the routine.

I think we are all living in the same world!

Riley and lola are the best of friends and seconds later the worst of enemies. Unfortunatly Lola gives out as good as she gets and hits hard, so Riley often comes off the worst. The only thing I try to do there is make Riley use her words and tell Lola to stop bothering her (rather than banshee scream in her face... cue hitting back) or ask her to do something. It does work..... most times.

As for the bed time, we went through that a few months ago, Riley was the worst she would be calling out for this and that, she's hungry, needs more books etc.

So we (read I) started a new routine, which is teeth, then a little tv then maybe a story, then into their bedroom for a quick wee and straight to bed. anything they havne't got by lights out they don't get. So now rather than me having to go in a gazillion times, I have to stand there while Riley gets every book in their room and hauls them up to her bed. I had to go really hard on this and stop the shinannigans.

One thing that has worked for us is having a bath/shower before dinner, as I find it winds them up more. It has made a massive difference, they seem to have a bit more energy for dinner and then are on the big wind down for bed.

Oh and Lockie has totally realised that Lola will copy anything he does, they are as thick as thieves so lots of silly behaviour from him.

[clothmama]

I had to ask J for an explination as to what 'mithered' was - apparently my kids do it to me a lot and I didn't even know the word existed Some good advice given, I'll try to think of other!

Hugs I'm in the same place as you at the moment.

Uh don t talk to me about bedtime !!

We ve had the same problems on and off for what seems like forever. Emily dd1 just struggles to go to sleep if she's misses her sleep boat and becomes overtired. She's also affected badly by excitement or changes which causes excitement, anxiety or both.
Christmas is awful and the end of term has been awful too.
I have found that getting her into bed really early helps but its not been possible as I ve being doing bedtime on my own with the 3 and Isaac still needs rocking to sleep

Sticker charts have worked in the past and I save them for the weeks I really need them to sleep or not call out. Dd1 and dd2 share a room and if I catch dd2 at the right time she's asleep, this then upsets dd1.

I m trying to get dd1 to talk to me after school whilst I m making tea instead of trying to unravel her day with me at 8pm (when I m tired and lacking in patience).

Good luck
If I have any success I ll let you know