Attitude/shouting etc?

I am loosing the plot of megan at the moment, her behaviour is really getting on my nerves and im not quite sure how to handle it...

Every single morning I have a complete battle on my hands to get her dressed, she screams/shouts/kicks cries and generaly is just totaly awkward about it I have tried sitting with her and talking through it, singing as we get dressed, rewards etc etc etc and nothing works...she just creates such a huge fuss about it...This morning i have lost ot with her shouted at her and have left her in her bedroom, i basically got her dressed like she was a baby and just avoided the kicks and ignored the screaming and crying...it sooooo sick of it

Just lately everything i ask her she will say 'no' and it makes me mad, I long for the day she might say 'yes mummy' instead of shouting no at me

Please help, the 3's seem so so so much worse than the 2's ever were, where has her attitude come from??

We are having this with Martha, my CM says its much more like three than two - they get defiant when they discover their own power!

We have been using the naughty step, I just tell her that she needs to do as Mummy asks and if not she will go on the naughty step, nine times out of ten it works (I give her a count of 3 to comply and then loads of positive praise if she does)

I did have to put her on the naughty step at breakfast when we were away for the weekend fortunately we were the only ones down at that time!

It only works for us if I can stay calm tho so I don't use it if I am riled

I can see that it will get worse tho so not sure how much longer it will work. And Martha is naturally a fairly eager to please so that helps too

Hope you didn't get kicked getting her dressed!

It is hard work especially when you are trying to do such simple things like get them dressed, but if it makes you feel any better (which it probably won't) it sounds totally normal. Oli did exactly the same, every morning was a battle to get him out of bed, breakfast, get dressed so he could get to nursery on time. It's even more of a strain with two as there are so many other things you need to do Sounds like you are doing all the right things, just keep doing them and be consistent. Sometimes I just used to walk away from Oli and completely ignore him and try again 10 mins later, but that only worked if I had the time to do that.
Can she do any of it herself? Make it a little challenge, 'do you think you can get dressed before mummy can?', that kind of thing, she might enjoy the race, used to work with us too sometimes.
It does get better

It is so hard dealing with a willful 3 year old

Things I have found that help, especially with the getting dressed thing as Charlotte would refuse to get dressed all day and this would cause problems if we needed to go anywhere, we set the routine that we choose her clothes the night before (otherwise we have 1/2 hour of arguments about what she will and won't wear) and then she does not leave her room in the morning until she gets dressed in those clothes. At first she was still bad, mostly just procrastinating and trying to play instead of getting dressed but she soon learned that me and Ben would go downstairs and have breakfast without her. So now the routine works well. We are all dressed before we go downstairs. And it is teaching Ben a good routine too.

Don't know if this would help but it has worked for us......for now!

With shouting and being rude, we just very calmly and quietly say things like "we do not talk like that" or "I don't listen to little girls who talk like that" and she does calm down. I definately find with Charlotte that if I react then it will make her worse, staying calm (so much easier said than done!) really helps. Also I find I cannot "ask" her to do things - that gives her the option to say no. I have to "tell" her to do things, I do it nicely but then she knows exactly where she stands, otherwise she thinks she has a choice iyswim.

Hope you manage to improve things

Can she do any of it herself? Make it a little challenge, 'do you think you can get dressed before mummy can?', that kind of thing, she might enjoy the race, used to work with us too sometimes.
It does get better

Actually that reminds me, we did this for a while - she would have a race against Daddy, so I was helping but she was really wanting to beat Daddy.

The only downside to this was when she would go into nursery and announce "Daddy beat me!!"

I don't have all the answers as we've got the same here but I do have various tips to follow if you're not doing them already that is!!

Remember she's only three
Pick your battles and let her see that you do sometimes change her mind over the unimportant things like one more chocolate button when I said only two
Give her simple choices
Does letting her choose her own clothes for the day help at all?
If she's shouting at you don't rise to it (easier said than done especially if the baby is crying at the same time!!) just ignore the shouting...
PRAISE the good behaviour! I forget to do this as often as I should and end up only yelling at her for the bad stuff
Don't sweat the small stuff!

I have to say recently I've just been helping to get her dressed because it's quicker and less traumatic but at the weekend or if I'm busy with Grace I do try and get her to get dressed herself... There are some things that she finds difficult and especially when she's just woken up and not quite with it yet (or had breakfast!!) it's more challenging for her and so she won't even try in the morning...

How about dressinggowns and breakfast first and then get dressed after when she's got some food inside her? Isabelle is a cranky madam extrordinaire when she's hungry!

Try not to do things in a hurry and leave more time for things if you can...
Does it really matter if she doesn't get dressed in the morning? If you need to go out somewhere let her stay in her PJs and there are a few ways it could go - but she will probably enjoy the novelty of it if she doesn't decide to get dressed before you go out for a bit but then realise a)it's cold and b) if it's a playgroup/nursery all her friends managed to get dressed... Certainly the embarrasment factor for my friend of being taken to nursery in his PJs worked a treat but I'm not so sure it would work for Isabelle

Give her responsibilities like putting Kieran's nappy in the nappy bucket that kinda thing - helps Isabelle for sure!

How do you greet her in the morning? If I start with GOOD MORNING Isabelle (in a jolly happy way) fling open her curtains etc then she's usually happier than if she comes to find me and I grump at her and don't want to get out of bed

I think also for Isabelle she's better behaved if I can give her some direct attention while getting dressed and don't just tell her to do it herself because I'm busy - make her getting dressed herself a positive thing instead if that makes sense - so I get Grace dressed first (sometimes get Isabelle to help choose what she wears and occasionally help put it on her too!) and then I can put Grace somewhere safe e.g. the cot or Isabelle's floor with toys and then I can give Isabelle direct attention...

I'm also trying to remember to make time to be fun with Isabelle that's not doing something where she has to concentrate as otherwise I just tend to want her to play by herself and don't play with her focussing on her if that makes sense... Getting her to help (even if it's not convenient to) is a big plus...

I think I've rambled on and certainly haven't remembered all I meant to say but I hope some of that helps as I too am FEDUP of the shouting and grumps and battles!

Oh and getting out of the house early to do something fun REALLY helps as she gets SO bored at home as it's always the same whereas when we've been out and about she's more inclined to play with her toys if that makes sense

Actually one HUGE thing for me is making sure I'VE had enough sleep as I'm SO SO SO much more patient when I have...
I've also been taking the equazen IQ supplements and I think they're helping too! (Isabelle's been taking them too) so helping both of us
Isabelle is such a grump when she's tired and hungry but then again so am I!! Fix both of those for both of us and we get on a LOT better!

I'd better stop now

Oh and have some of these

It is so hard dealing with a willful 3 year old

Things I have found that help, especially with the getting dressed thing as Charlotte would refuse to get dressed all day and this would cause problems if we needed to go anywhere, we set the routine that we choose her clothes the night before (otherwise we have 1/2 hour of arguments about what she will and won't wear) and then she does not leave her room in the morning until she gets dressed in those clothes. At first she was still bad, mostly just procrastinating and trying to play instead of getting dressed but she soon learned that me and Ben would go downstairs and have breakfast without her. So now the routine works well. We are all dressed before we go downstairs. And it is teaching Ben a good routine too.

Don't know if this would help but it has worked for us......for now!

With shouting and being rude, we just very calmly and quietly say things like "we do not talk like that" or "I don't listen to little girls who talk like that" and she does calm down. I definately find with Charlotte that if I react then it will make her worse, staying calm (so much easier said than done!) really helps. Also I find I cannot "ask" her to do things - that gives her the option to say no. I have to "tell" her to do things, I do it nicely but then she knows exactly where she stands, otherwise she thinks she has a choice iyswim.

Hope you manage to improve things

Ooooh yes well put all of that - and I'd forgotten the asking thing... I rarely ask Isabelle to do anything unless I really don't mind whether she does it or not...

Thank you all so much, its really reassuring to know that other are/have experience the same...i was getting worried that it was just megan turning into a nightmare

I do try and let her do as much as possible but i think that might be becoming part of the issue...now she wont do anything unless she wants to, i realy like offering her choices but i think its going the wrong way for us...i think i need to seriously limit those or stop them all together for a while on 'optional' things...like if she is kicking off over sitting down for dinner then i will offer her a choice of coloured bowl or whatever to try and win her round...but now thats escalated into her refusing to eat of anything that she hasnt chosen...so if i serve up something whilst she isnt having a tantrum then she will have a tantrum becuase she hasnt picked the bowl IYGWIM? Its also not very helpful when we are eating out...although she always behaves beautifully while we are out (and for that i am VERY thankkful!!)

Our morning routine is get up, she has some milk and then we have breakfast downstairs all while we are in our Pj's and things...we also have the tv on...well I have told her today that she gets no tv/advent calendar etc untill she has got dressed into her clothes for the day And yes thanks for the tip on letting her choose her clothes the night before...I may try that...not sure if it might go the wrong way tho...it just seems to if i offer her a choice on something then she expects the choice in everything

As much as i want to encourage her indipendance and ability to make decisons and choices...at the same time she needs to realise that I am the mummy and sometimes the choices arnt there for her to make

Steph what you said about food was interesting...megan would survive literally on nothing if i didnt really encourage her eating, I really go over the top when it comes to food otherwise she just wouldnt bother! I tend to do porridge and fruit for breakfast becuase then if she doesnt eat all day i know she has had a good breakfast...