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Tantrums

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beffys
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Tantrums

Postby beffys » Mon Jan 18, 2010 1:36 pm

What's the best way to deal with tantrums and crying over whatever that has annoyed LO? Just completely ignore them?

Ella's had some stonking tantrums. Usually when we are out and close to tea time when she is prob getting tired and hungry. I try not to laugh at her tbh as it's all so over the top. She'll be down on the ground kicking and screaming.

Apart from that she goes off on one maybe twice a day. If I take something away from her especially. She also seems to be doing things on purpose now to get a reaction, especially if she has just had a telling off or had something taken away. She knows the word 'bad' and if you ask if she's a good girl, she nods yes.

Other than that she's often completely into everything we are doing and wants to get in between us and whatever action it is we are trying to achieve.

Right now I've taken some fabric paints away from her because she keeps dropping the glass jars on the floor, so she's pulling all the scrap fabric out of my box and completely ignoring me as well. Then she's just bumped head quite hard and needed a proper cuddle.

I just don't want to end up reinforcing bad behaviour or making her develop bad behavioural habits in how I react. I think she knows when she's being bad anddoesn't like the way a negative reaction from me or us makes her feel.

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megansmummy
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Re: Tantrums

Postby megansmummy » Mon Jan 18, 2010 1:48 pm

Beth, everyone will gove you different advice so please feel free to ignore what I say...its only my opinon and thoughts :wink:

personally when Megan thows a tantrum I let her calm down, offer her a book or some other kind of distraction and when i know she is coming down from the reign of terror I will offer her cuddles...sometimes she will say no im which case i just leave her to get on with it...but i always make it known that im there for a cuddle if she wants one.. She may throw the book or whatever ( :roll: ) basically I ignore what ever is causing the tantrum/dont back down but that can be dealt with seperatly...IMO there is no point trying to explain why they cant do something if they are in the midst of a tantrum...it just wont go in...

Thats the basis of how i deal with a tantrum...if she kicks off becuase i wont let her have something then i remain consistant and dont give in to her...if i say no then i mean no BUT I am on the thinking that small children (obv megan is a little older than Ella) really have little control over their emotions, they dont know how to deal with them like older children and adults too...and I firmly believe thats why a tantrum escalates to amazing hights...becuase its just a little person seriously out of control and i think they scare them selves sometimes too...

Once she has clamed down THEN i discuss what hapened with her...that would obviously need to be age appropraite and may only be a 'smaking makes mummy sad' or 'we dont throw toys becuase it might hurt someone or break the toy' etc etc etc what EVER the reason and with as much 'explanation' as you think Ella could handle...

Im really not the type that just ignores a tantrum and 'lets them get on with it' becuase i just think that is all so negative IYKWIM? If they WANT to be left to get on with it then there is little you can do apart from ensure that they know your there if they want you...

Like i say...everyone is different and you might read this and think 'you pushover ( :oops: ) but its what works for us :wink:

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Annette
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Re: Tantrums

Postby Annette » Tue Jan 19, 2010 9:48 pm

Charlotte never really threw tantrums, she could whinge and whine like you wouldn't believe but not actual tantrums. So it came as a bit of a shock when Ben started throwing fabulous ones. Mostly it is because he has an older sibling who quite likes to taunt him :roll: If Charlotte has something he can't have he will literally run across the room, throw himself on the floor and ball. Both dh and I find it really funny which helps as we are too busy giving each other looks to react to Ben at all. After a little while we then try to distract him with something else, too soon and he will just throw that across the room in a temper but usually give it a few more seconds and he realises he wants it and everything is forgotton.

So yes, we try ignoring it and then distraction. Ben is still so young but we do try to be consistent as Tory says and don't give in to whatever it was the tantrum was over

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twinkletot
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Re: Tantrums

Postby twinkletot » Tue Jan 19, 2010 10:11 pm

Nathan throws some spectacular tamtrums when he is in the mood. If it is because I have said no/taken something off of him then I tend to let him get on with it as this is the quickest way for him to calm down (if he hasn't got too wound up). If I try to talk to him it just makes things 10 x worse and he doesn't take anything in.
If he is frustrated with something and throws it/headbutts something (a frutration/anger thing) then I ask him if he needs help asap and hopefully that is enough to even stop the inevitable tantrum.

megansmummy wrote:Once she has clamed down THEN i discuss what hapened with her...that would obviously need to be age appropraite and may only be a 'smaking makes mummy sad' or 'we dont throw toys becuase it might hurt someone or break the toy' etc etc etc what EVER the reason and with as much 'explanation' as you think Ella could handle...


I then do the same as above and we have a cuddle when he is ready and not before. If he says no to the cuddle then fair enough but generally he does want one as I think it is a security/comfort thing.

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northernruth
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Re: Tantrums

Postby northernruth » Tue Jan 19, 2010 11:38 pm

I kind of ignore it altho we will try to distract if it looks like it's possible.

I also find that a bit of empathy can go a long way - if she kicks off because she is upset that she can't have the TV on then I would say something like "I know that you really wanted to watch the TV, did it make you feel sad? we can watch TV later, now we have to go to Pippas/ the library/ the park"

I have a great book that I need to re read called "how to talk to kids so they will listen and listen so kids will talk" which kind of outlines some of these techniques

Anyway of course we get tantrums and we get a lot of silly crying (subject of its own post a few days ago!!!) and we try to ignore it and like Tory offer cuddles when she calms down - I agree they scare themselves

If we are out and she throws a strop I have been known to walk away and leave her, she soon comes running upset and then I give cuddles :oops: not sure if that's an ok approach but it does work

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beffys
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Re: Tantrums

Postby beffys » Thu Jan 28, 2010 7:43 pm

I have been doing it when if she's really upset over something I offer a cuddle and tell it's ok or offer an alternative or distraction to what's upsetting her. Sometimes she just doesn't want to know and gets really upset throws herself down on the floor and goes off on one.

The worst thing is in the last couple of weeks we're getting tantrums at bedtime. Quite often during the day when I'm at home she's not wearing a nappy as she'll normally go to the LO in her potty no problem. But at bed time she knows bedtime is coming up. She won't put her nappy or longies on and is going mental for DH atm as he tries to get her ready for bed, then she procrastinates and gets upset. She's tired as she doesn't have a nap in the day anymore.

It not like she's going to bed nice and relaxed and I'm just getting really worried about the associations she's building up as want her to go to bed happy, sleepy and relaxed. DH just gave her a book there, so maybe that the way to go about it. Start getting serious about reading her a couple of bedtime stories as part of her routine and she goes down once she gets to bed as she's tired.

I think as well she's just at another in between age, where she can't voice her frustration or isn't quite big enough to be quite as independent as she'd like.

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2climbingboys
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Re: Tantrums

Postby 2climbingboys » Thu Jan 28, 2010 8:09 pm

Toby used to do the opposite and delay bedtime by sitting on the potty for half an hour by repeatedly saying he hadn't finished. :giggle: :oops: Toby's behaviour went challenging when he started not sleeping during the day - so that could have really contributed to her starting to throw tantrums?

Blake is already a menace who launches himself on the floor as soon as he gets told no - I have no idea how to handle it tbh other than totally ignoring him really. Or saying no and moving him if he starts smacking and shouting at Toby.

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Velvetsteph
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Re: Tantrums

Postby Velvetsteph » Thu Jan 28, 2010 8:16 pm

Will post more later...

But it depends on the reason... Getting down on her level and cuddling her and explaining to her what she's feeling so she can label it helps...
But not always...

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eviesmummy
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Re: Tantrums

Postby eviesmummy » Thu Jan 28, 2010 8:23 pm

Bedtime routine is always a good thing - we have a wind down time, then supper, teeth, hands and face, pjs and a wee, then into bed for a story, kiss and a cuddle and a chat. If she is overtired from dropping her daytime nap, perhaps start bedtime a little bit earlier? Find what makes her kick off and try to avoid it or distract her - Evie can throw a wobbler when she is over tired, so once I see that I know to deal with her before the tantrum starts. Is there anything you can do to make bedtime fun for Ella, stories in bed with your or dh, a nice cuddle and chat, a nightlight perhaps? Evie has to have her teddy to cuddle, and a minki blanket over her pillowcase now, she likes both for comfort - has Ella any special toy like that she can have in bed?

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