"what happens when you get dead?"

Gisele Cortese
It wad today's recurrent question and my answers were obviously not good enough because she kept asking the same question every so often. Every tine, she was listening to me and then go on about skeletons and bones and dogs eat bones.
She must have done..... Biology or something at school and either something bothered her or she didn't get it or ... I don't know. Lol
Any idea on how to approach/explain the subject?
I tried the you 're bien, grow, get old etc theory, I tried the various theories of what happens after death, I tried asking her what she thought but nothing I tried seemed to sink in.

As an atheist, I really didn't know how to try and explain death in a comforting way to a child and make it not scary. DH read an explanation somewhere though that sounds pretty good to me.
Something along the lines of:
Answer them telling them that when you die you go back to the same place you were before you were here, before you were born.
Put it to them that it wasn't scary before they were born, they'd normally have to agree and say no, it was nice. Then just reiterate that it's the same place people go again when they die.

I think you just have to get used to the constant questions, all 3 of mine have gone through this at roughly the same age, Ocean got quite upset about it all, but it's passed now.
I just kept answering, honestly, but the same sort of answers, over and over and over. Comforting when necessary, being matter-of-fact when it was called for. It's a hard concept to grasp and really, just needs acceptance, that we all die one day. I think you just have to be patient and explain the best you can.

Ours like to think their little brother is in Heaven with Great nanna and Grandad. They go to a church school and tbh a spiritual friend of mine helped me though things.
We told them that it doesn't hurt to be dead, you don't feel cold, pain etc

We lost my brother in law last year at the time my boys were 3 (very nearly 4) and 2 1/2 and we told them he was in heaven living in the stars, we explained that he cant come back but he got better in heaven and is happy (he died in a fire), the boys still ask now, but we just have to persist with it.
Its a tough one.

Connor and I have had a few conversations about death. He knows both my parents are dead, and he remembers the funeral of my Granny when he was just 3. And we also have a newly-built funeral directors at the end of our street which we walk past every day so plenty of opportunity!

I've told him some people believe that when a person dies their spirit goes to live with God (we aren't religious but he's had a taste of Christian teaching from school, learnt about baby Jesus before Christmas, etc), that some people believe the spirit comes back in someone else, and that some believe when a person dies they just are no more. He knows that the person will never come back again, but that they will be remembered and in photos, etc so aren't forgotten about. Actually explaining what I meant by 'spirit' was a bit tricky, but we got there after lots of chat about how everyone laughs at different things, cries at different things, etc, so the bit that makes a person think and feel is different in everybody and isn't the same as an arm or leg or some other visible body part.

When my Granny died we told Connor it was because she was very old and when you get old your body just gets so tired that it can't keep on living. He now knows that people can sometimes die when they're not so old, if they're so sick the doctors can't make them better. I was worried that he'd think one of us was dying any time we got a cold, but so far he doesn't seem to have any worries about it. I try to approach it all with honesty, it's a tricky area though!

Um, I had the same question from DD1 this afternoon. I must have had my practical head on because I said that most people were put in a coffin (had to explain what a coffin was) then either buried in a graveyard or burned.

The whole spiritual thing bypassed my brain completely

Um, I had the same question from DD1 this afternoon. I must have had my practical head on because I said that most people were put in a coffin (had to explain what a coffin was) then either buried in a graveyard or burned.

The whole spiritual thing bypassed my brain completely

We've done that bit too, it might've actually come before the spirit bit. Mostly because my Gran was cremated so it was a small box (not sure of the correct word, is it casket?) that was buried. Connor just referred to Great Granny being in a little box which was quite cute as my Gran was a very little lady, just not that little! I think we moved on to trying to explain about some people think the spirit lives on once the penny dropped that you don't come back ever after you die. It was an attempt to stave off upset really, as there was potential for him to be bothered with the idea that you just stop being and that's that.

Lol, I have tried to talk about how I'd always look after my DDs even when I was dead because I'd always watch over them kind-of-thing. But have never been able to have much a conversation because I always have to leave the room before I start blubbing