Disciplining Children. and Toddlers.

following on from Twinkletots thread I just wanted to ask esp any parents that do UP parent how exactly you do it...

I'm not at the point yet where I want to buy the book I just want to understand a bit more,

I'm not just a well done mum I do make a point of pointing out what hes done ( talking about Dexter ) ie if he sorts a toy puzzle out correctly I will praise but more than just a well done more of a you tried really hard etc etc but in toddler talk as this is quite natural to me

- but when it comes to teaching him when he is doing something wrong I do struggle to understand how parents who UP parent or who just don't use any more rigid punishment time ways explain in another way IYKWIM

Distraction does not work at all with my boy, nor does simply moving him away even if done repeatedly and nor does me sitting in the way, however after a week of warning and telling him no for what ever reason and taking him away if repeated i gave him a count of 5 at 5 he went and sat at the other end of the room he now will behave if not straight away at least at the count of 5 starting in most cases its rare that I ever have to take him away

I understand that all children are different but hand on my heart Dexter knows when he is being naughty or going to do something he has been told before - for one he sneaks or he laughs

I don't think it is an attention thing as i doesn't matter what is going on if he decides to play up there is no consistence there, he can do it when it is just me and him playing

I am always open to suggestions....

whats UP? and can i have a link to other thread

viewtopic.php?f=76&t=72831#p802894

UP parenting... as I understand it ( so take it with a pinch of salt) making an environment where a child feels loved unconditionally eveif they don't perform a certain way... so the kind of emotional punishment of go and sit over there then come back say sorry and have a hug can lead to the child thinking they are unloved if bad... IYSWIM I could be sayign this very wrongly but that is what I have gleened from reading ( I only fell into UP parenting yesterday on a forum lol)

sounds a bit like just instinct to me (how you explained it i mean)

BUT i dont really understand the article much i mean izzy gets rewarded 24 7. But i dont bribe her! and won't doing it when she is older either. If its one thing i hate is hearing stuff like "father christmas won't come if your naughty" or "if your good you can have sweets"

I dunno though when izzy is older i might be a lot different but i think for toddlers they just need tons of love and reassurance. Izzy won't be having naughty step or anything like that coz i just don't get it

I let her know when i dissaprove of somethign she realises then says sorry mummy either that or cries aww so either way she gets a massive cuddle we all move on and thats that ha the world of terrible twos according to littlesez

sounds a bit like just instinct to me (how you explained it i mean)

BUT i dont really understand the article much i mean izzy gets rewarded 24 7. But i dont bribe her! and won't doing it when she is older either. If its one thing i hate is hearing stuff like "father christmas won't come if your naughty" or "if your good you can have sweets"

I dunno though when izzy is older i might be a lot different but i think for toddlers they just need tons of love and reassurance. Izzy won't be having naughty step or anything like that coz i just don't get it

I let her know when i dissaprove of somethign she realises then says sorry mummy either that or cries aww so either way she gets a massive cuddle we all move on and thats that ha the world of terrible twos according to littlesez

like it! Bless her!

I just have with dexter alot of reoccurring things like pushing the TV ( this has stopped now) or standing on th window ledge and so I need him to understand sometimes he laughs and does it again then laughs or looks at me to see if I notice...

Hmmm its a tough one...

I do use rewards with Megan as thats what works for her...she likes doing certain things and if she doesnt behave 'properly' (sorry thats a crappy word but you know what i mean...) then she doesnt get those things...to me thats not so much about bribary as it is about learning to understand that my expectations are real and she simply cannot just do what she wants...she is going to be 5 this year and she certainly knows whats wrong and whats right...When i discipline her I sit with her and explain as much as i can...if she gets upset then i will cuddle her but I wont back down and if it means she looses out on bedtime TV or something like that then so be it...and I will warn her of that if she is acting up...

As for Kieren...well (as Judith probably knows ) we have a fair few tantrums daily...he really is a fiesty little boy and he needs clear boundaries...as i believe as children do...When he tantrums I sit with him and cuddle him...i do think that tantrums are the result of a mixture of emotions that toddlers just dont understand...and it probably frightens them..they are learning whats right and whats wrong and i think we have to remember that they are learning and most of the time they learn from their 'mistakes' as we all do... I do the same r'reward' thingi as i do with megan but on a much simpler level...
I honitly try and think along the lines of how they do...so when Kieren throws something then i tend to try and remember that to begin with he is probably doing it becuase he thinks its funny (for some bizzar toddler reason...) and its a case of being repetitive...eventually they will get it...

I think kids thrive of reassurance, knowing they are loved and lots and lots of understanding...not always easy and i know i dont always get it right but thats my aim with them

Sorry thats probably all a bit rambly but i dont make much sense at the best of times...and im a bit sleep fogged

at kieran he even bounces when he walks.... when he's standing still!

See I dont really get tantrums at all... just bad behaviour

I do use a naughty step with Hannah, but not in a "you have been bad and can sit there and be denied" kind of way. She can have an amazing defiant temper on her, so we use it as a "simmer down step" and then a "talking step" once she is in the position to listen. I don't leave her on it alone (unless I have to sort something out she has done urgently) but sit with her. I think this reassures her some and she seems to calm down quicket and it means that when we talk over what she did she is more amenable to listening / responding. She can shout at me otherwise, and even went through a short phase of hitting me when frustrated. Once she is calmer I usually ask her why she is on the talking step and she usually knows. I then try and explain why she shouldnt have done whatever she did. I do also though reward for good behaviour and deny for bad. It works well with her.

Interstingly, even though he is too young and I dont use it with him, if Toby is naughty and he knows he has been, he goes and sits on the step on his own

Never heard of UP parenting.
I use the First and then strategy. eg. "First we will tidy up Then we can watch a video."
and Explain my feelings
"Mummy feels sad when you throw that ball in the house because she is scared something will break."

That way I'm not saying that DD is being naughty IYKWIM
We have less tantrums and naughty behavior since we started doing that.